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Tuesday, August 21, 2007
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 BE AFRAID. BE VERY AFRAID
So I've been doing this for awhile. My first dopey blog was started in May of 2003 in an effort to get a woman to fall in love with me. In all honesty, that was the sole motivation behind this. When I first started, my posts were incredibly short and consisted of little other than dark ruminations of how much I hated my job and myself. In the three months that the first blog lasted, I think I had about 2,000 hits.
That blog seems to have finally vanished completely, which is a good thing. Most of it was total garbage and amusing only to the one person it was written for. The three or four things from there that were even halfway good are linked at the top of the "Best of skippy" sidebar to the right.
Since then, my writing has branched out in its topics of interest if not the quality of the work. Beyond my wildest expectations, people around the world actually read this drivel. I'm getting hits from countries like Saudi Arabia and Iran that I would have sworn would have blocked me by now. Even the Stalinist Chinese allow me into the Middle Kingdom, and they block pretty much everybody.
From time to time, I'll get a comment or an e-mail from a reader saying that they've learned something from me. Other than linking to things that I find interesting, I have a hard time believing that. I'm not an expert on anything and I'm probably the worst educated person here. Besides, telling dick jokes and venting my formidible sexual frustration accounts for roughly 90% of what I do. How in the fuck does anyone learn anything from that?
That's why I was so surprised to find this blog in my referrers last night. In essence, it's a shrine to me. That's highly unusual. Christ, of the women who've loved me, only one actually went so far as to have a skippy shrine. To be sure, it was flattering - particularly since she knew what a degenerate, swinish loser I am in real life. But there it was, right on top of her bedroom dresser. I still smile when I think about it, actually. I have no idea who set up this "skippy blog," but I'm virtually certain that it isn't someone I've slept with.
I guess what I find most disturbing is the title. Seriously, "I Get All of My News From skippystalin" is no way to lead your life. People I've known for thirty years are still unconvinced that I'm not actually retarded. More than a few people I know personally are readers here. They'll tell you exactly what I just did. And that's fine. So long as they also mention what a fantastic lay I am while they're at it. If you're going to learn anything from this blog it should be that retards are the best in the sack. I think it comes from the single-mindedness that is so common among the mentally addled.
If you go anywhere on the blogosphere for your news, you should go to the Ace of Spades HQ for it, like I do.
Amazingly, the whole thing seems to have been started by this post, which was written mostly as a throwaway piece. Try as I might, I can't figure out who gets inspired to start a tribute blog by a poorly written essay about Japanese sex dolls?
Here's the mission statement (as much as anything having to do with me can be described as having a "mission.")
The purpose of this site is to save links to all of Skippystalin's posts so that when they go off the main page. One example of the problem. A little while back he did a post on the Japanese love-doll story. That post is off the main page now and not in his sidebar and lost to the world until he decides to put it up there. A while back, I started saving links to Skippy posts just to avoid this problem, but really the best place to save them is in another blog. That's what this blog is for. It will be the archive Skippy doesn't have. I'm actually kind of flattered by that. I don't think that there's very much here worth saving, and I never really thought that anyone else did either. To quote the great Dewey in Toronto, "Wow! I don't know that I've ever been flattered and yet somewhat revolted at the same time... It's an interesting sensation."
I should explain the issue with my archives. About six months after I started this blog, I was doing some work on the template. Unfortunately, I didn't have the foresight to back up said template. In the middle of my little project, Blogger melted down and I lost roughly two-thirds of everything. I was able to rebuild most of it, but I'm far too stupid to get the archive code back. I couldn't even access anything that wasn't on the main page.
When Google upgraded Blogger to its current version, I was again allowed to access my previous work in the "manage posts" page. It was only then that the "Best of skippy" section was expanded to what it is today. And even what is there isn't all that good.
Whoever set this page up isn't reprinting entire posts (which does happen from time to time,) so I guess I'm cool with that. What does kind of bother me is that if I decide to quit, I have absolutely no control over what happens to what I leave behind with a seperate page linking almost everything I've written out there.
Don't get me wrong, the idea of having someone think enough of your words to devote the time and bandwidth to saving them is actually pretty neat. Who knew that anyone thought more of my mindless drivel than I do?
Anyhow, if there's anything from the past that anybody wants to re-read, let me know and I'll either e-mail the link or post it on the sidebar if a particular piece gets enough requests. Keep in mind that this is my 1,755th post and I've written about certain things multiple times. Telling me that you really liked "that post about sex," or "that post about President Bush" isn't much of a help. The more specific you are, the better the odds are that I can find it without my head exploding. If you have a general idea of what the title was and an idea of when it was posted, better still.
I hope whoever out this page up isn't looking for traffic because I'm not getting very much. I'm only averaging about 140 hits a day now, and the majority of those are Google Image searches. I haven't averaged over 200 since last October or so. Like Spinal Tap before me, I'm getting more "selective with my audience."
A funny observation that really doesn't mean anything: I'm getting four or five hits a day noe from the great Gut Rumbles and I didn't get any when Rob was actually alive. If anybody should have tributes to them, it is the late, great Rob Smith. He - along with Velociman and Joan - was the very best there ever was at this.
In closing, I guess I should thank whoever put that page up for thinking I'm good enough for the effort.
Easy Listening Recommendation of the Day: If I'm Good By: Skip Spence From: Oar
PermalinkLabels: Life With skippy
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