 BUSH SAW HIS SOUL, YOU GET TO SEE THE REST
I'm going to honest with you. When I saw the picture on the left last night on the Drudge Report, I wondered if Matt was branching out into gay porn. Then I saw the headline beneath the picture, noticed that it was Russian president Vladimir Putin. At that point I started to wonder if he was branching out into gay porn. Then I started wondering why everything I was thinking led back to gay porn....
As it happens, the picture of the shirtless Putin was printed throughout the Russian Federation last week and has caused quite the to-do, a tizzy as it were.
It turns out that the photo was taken while Putin was on a woodsy holiday Prince Albert II of Monaco in Siberia. Albert is of course a world-famous ladies man.
Now I've never actually seen gay porn, but I've heard a lot about it from certain people who have. Here's what I know. The plot usually revolves around a straight guy and his quiet, muscular friend going camping. Things happen and no one is the same afterward. I'm not sure how prevelant prince alberts are and I'm not sure that I'm brave enough to ask.
But not everyone sees this story the way I do. Reaction, particularly in Russia, varies.
When he flexes Russia's diplomatic and military muscle, President Vladimir Putin always makes headlines.
But few could have predicted the squall of gossip and speculation that would follow after Putin stripped off his shirt for the cameras while on holiday with Prince Albert II of Monaco in the Siberian mountains last week.
The resulting images of the presidential abs, prominently enshrined on the presidential Web site, inspired admiration, criticism and some racing pulses among his admirers. The Russian media still can't get enough.
The mass market tabloid Komsomolskaya Pravda on Wednesday published a huge color photo of the barechested president, under the headline: "Be Like Putin." A guide showing exactly what exercises were required to build up a torso like that of the Russian leader.
These exercises are said to include, but are not limited to; the carpet bombing of Chehnya, superessing the freedom of the press, destroying democracy at the provincial and local levels, re-igniting Cold War tensions, and generally being a pain in Dick Cheney's ass.
Pretty much everyone sees political motives behind Putin's doffing his shirt.
Meanwhile, Kremlin watchers have been busy trying to guess what kind of political message the pictures might send, given that Putin has insisted he plans to step down at the end of his second presidential term next year, as required by the constitution.
One radio talk show host speculated that the pictures were meant to enhance Putin's personal appeal to voters - a strong signal that he doesn't plan to relinquish power. When the commentator, Yevgeniya Albats, went on to suggest that his half-naked photo shoot was unbecoming a Russian leader, female listeners peppered her with emails expressing admiration for Putin's physique.
Komsomolskaya Pravda reported that women who visited its Web site posted comments on Putin's "vigorous torso" and said they "were screaming with delight and showering (him) with compliments." That actually is a plausible theory insofar as Russian leaders historically haven't often felt themselves constrained by silly things like constitutions. Since 1369, there has been exactly one peaceful, democratic transfer of power. That was when Boris Yeltsin handed over power to Putin in 1999.
Quashing democracy really isn't new, but doing so while trying to be sexy is. In retrospect, I'm sure that President Bush regrets that he didn't sign the USA Patriot Act while wearing the flightsuit that so impressively framed his package. Maybe Putin realized that most Americans would never have come to realize what a tyrannical monstrosity of a law the Patriot Act is if their genitals were sufficently swollen with lust.
On the other hand, it's good to see that Putin realizes the power of the women's vote. Russia has traditionally been a pretty chauvinistic country. The only alternative Putin has if he wishes to stay in electoral politics is fuck each and every female of voting age, like Fred Thompson has. Or marry them, a la Rudy Giuliani.
A canny politician, Putin knows that not only broads are likely to be hypmotized by his man-meats.
Russian gay chat rooms and blogs were particularly intrigued by the photos: Some claimed that Putin, by stripping to his waist, was somehow pleading for more tolerance of homosexuality in Russia - where gays and lesbians are for the most part forced to remain closeted.
One satirical photo circulating on the Internet jokingly compared Putin's mountain adventure with Prince Albert to the movie 'Brokeback Mountain,' a love story about gay cowboys. As much as Dennis Kucinich says he loves the homos, it really is hard to top going camping with someone named Prince Albert. 20 bucks says that he tries to get Ned Beatty to going camping with him in Georgia before Super Tuesday, though.
Personally, I think Vladimir Putin has learned a lot more about Western democratic traditions than we give him credit for. He instinctively seems to know that democracy is a decadent, decaying artifact, broken and ready to be exploited at his leisure. Sure, some people might speak out, but they'll always be few and far between.
Putin has been centralizing power to his own person for his entire tenure. Almost from the second he assumed power he's been disassembling the haphazard construct of Russian democracy and no one has much minded. Instead, he's given them pretty sideshows to distract the masses as he extinguishes their freedom. Which is exactly how Western politicians have been doing it for seventy years now.
And to think that all he had to do was take off his shirt. He didn't have to go to the trouble and expense of landing a plane on an aircraft carrier and parking it directly in front of a pretty banner.
I wonder if that's what President Bush looked into Putin's eyes and saw in his soul. If so, I wonder if he was impressed.
Easy Listening Recommendation of the Day: I See Monsters By: Ryan Adams From: Love is Hell
Permalink Labels: Don't Know Much About History, Fun With Politics, I See Monsters
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