If you're looking for a place that embodies everything that is wrong with the human spirit, you probably aren't going to do better than California. It is a land that has been made ungovernable by Hiram Johnson'ssoftheaded vision of popular democracy, and allows brainless shills like Barbara Boxer not only to walk about unmolested, but to prosper.
California is the world's seventh largest economy, and its leading export is pretending. So important is the vapid emptiness of Hollywood to California that the state has been governed by not one, but two actors.
Despite its enormous wealth, the state of California hemorrhages money in ways that President Bush probably masturbates at night thinking about.
Way back in 1978 the retard voters of California passed something called Proposition 13, which inhibited the ability of the county and state governments to raise revenue to a degree that no right-thinking person would ever agree to. But that didn't stop the worthless jackals of the Land of Sunshine from demanding increased services from its government.
Oh no, at the same that revenue was restricted, discretionary spending went through the fucking ceiling. Idiot Californians couldn't stop bitching about their need of dumb things like schools and police. And artificially low property taxes have only served to make California real estate prohibitively expensive for almost everyone on the planet.
Proposition 13 was little more than a microcosm of what the presidency of George W. Bush would eventually embody; limited revenue, relentless spending and endless debt.
California is to responsible democracy what 2 Girls, 1 Cup (link truly revolting and stunningly NSFW) is to love. And the reaction of everyone who sees it is pretty much the same. (YouTube video below is also NSFW.)
But California is notable for one thing. It produces the best goddamned pornography in the world. Some gentleman prefer European porn, but I find that the women aren't as cute and the abundance of cock is disturbing. Also, things that aren't in English bother me. Then there's Japanese porn, but the kind of person who gets off on watching a girl stuff an eel inside of herself is the kind of person who votes for Proposition 13.
That's why American porn is the greatest porn in the world. They find the Girl Next Door and ensure that she gets thoroughly hosed down in seed, but they don't get all weird about it, like the Europeans and Japanese do. With American porn, you can jack off seventeen times an hour without feeling guilty about it later. That's more important than I can tell you. Guilt is an emotion best left for sexual encounters with another person.
Simply put, Californians are to pornography what the Swiss are to watches and chocolate. For that reason, the pornography industry makes approximately $3 billion a year more than mainstream Hollywood.
California state lawmakers are considering an unusual idea to solve the state's huge budget shortfall: Tax pornography.
The idea was proposed by a state assemblyman, and would impose a 25 percent tax on the production and sales of pornographic videos -- the vast majority of which are made in southern California.
The ultimate "sin tax." Cute idea.
A 25% tax should never be recognised as remedy to a government's budget imbalance. It's punitive, pure and simple. Imagine if you will such a proposal to tax any other industry at that rate. Republicans and conservatives would go batshit fucking insane because of the possibility that the industry would move or jobs would be lost. Christ, the state of California doesn't even tax cigarettes at that high a rate.
This isn't new or exceptionally original. The state of California and the local governments have been trying to shut down its pornography industry for decades. The LAPD was so intent on it in the early 70s that the industry relocated to the more tolerant San Francisco. It was only after the Supreme Court's decision in Miller v. California (1973)that they started to cool the fuck out.
Since Miller, successful obscenity prosecutions have been few and far between and guess what? The industry pumps approximately $13 billion dollars a year into the economy.
It is unknown, however, how seriously lawmakers will take the idea or how the porn business would deal with the new tax. It is likely, though, that porn-makers would simply pass the cost along to consumers by making pornographic materials more expensive.
However, many economists believe that pornography is an industry with inelastic demand -- meaning market conditions typically don't affect consumers' desire for the product. In other words, it is believed that most porn consumers would continue to buy regardless of how much it cost.
As always, "many economists" are wrong. Not about "inelastic demand," mind you. People like to watch hot girls fuck far too much to let something as trivial as taxes stop them. The taxes could be even higher if assfucking is involved. Not too very long ago, pre-Miller, obscenity laws were structured in such a law that jail time was a very real possibility. A stupid 25% tax isn't going to change that.
What the economists fail to recognize is that the proliferation of large computer hard drives and cheap broadband has made buying pornography almost redundant. I haven't physically bought pornography in almost two years, but I have over 200 gigs of it on this computer as I write this. The proposed California tax would only hasten the day that everyone does.
There's another small problem with this tax. In so far as the industry is becoming increasingly digital and being distributed on the Internet, just as Al Gore intended, there is a decreasing share of the market that produces and sells in the traditional sense. Internet sales are currently exempt from the sales tax in the United States.
And that's what this might be, a way for California to start taxing the Internet. Because most people are remarkably stupid, they aren't going to object to a "porn tax." But if you consider that an increasing percentage of the market is web-based, the idea that net sales are going to have to be taxed is inescapable. And once you acclimate the public to the idea of Internet taxes, they become much easier to expand.
And then there's another response that the industry can take: they can pack up and leave California entirely. Remember, when the LAPD became too bothersome, it decamped to San Francisco. Nevada happens to be much closer to Los Angeles than San Francisco is, and already has legalized prostitution. You think they're going to freak out over the making of fuck movies in Clark County? I don't.
That would leave California without a goose or a golden egg. And you'd think that those assholes would know that already. Wasn't a big part of Governor Schwarzenegger's platform during the 2003 recall election the loss of California's jobs and industries due to heavy taxation and regulation? The problem is that the governor and legislature couldn't or wouldn't stop spending money and Prop 13 limits their ability to raise property or sales taxes. So they rely far too much on "sin taxes."
I have both philosophical and practical problems with sin taxes. First, I do not believe that the tax code is the proper instrument of behavior modification. Taxes should serve as a revenue raising device to fund the building of roads and killing of brown people, no more, no less.
Second, once the government has a fiscal interest in an activity, they necessarily have to allow it to flourish, thus negating the stated purpose of the tax. If the government was truly interested in stopping, say, smoking, they'd eliminate the subsidy to tobacco farmers. Get rid of those and let the market decide. Condemning something you profit from is a morally tenuous position. But you can't subsidize on one end, tax on the other, and still pretend that you're trying to limit the activity itself. Well, I guess that you can. Governments have been doing it for forty years now.
Then there's the obvious question of whether the state of California really wants to have a fiscal stake in Briana Banks' continued ability to take a rock hard cock in her dumper. If so, shouldn't Arnold Schwarzenegger be the one pulling her hair? How about Cruz Bustamante? He could use a job.
Frankly, I think that pornography should be exempt from taxation the way that educational materials like books are. There's just so much you can learn from porn that you can't learn anywhere else. Most women will never sit down and teach you how to lick their cooters in a way that'll make their heads explode, but Janine Lindemulderor Felicia will be more than happy to show you. Any number of women will tell you that sodomy "hurts too much," but I've seen Nikita Denise take two cocks in her ass at the same time, so I know that most women are irredeemable liars. Or Nikita Denise is a super hero.
Peter North should be personally exempt from all taxes; federal, state and local, for the important public service he provides in hosing bitches down with his copious cumshots. On the other hand, I resent that he has a wang that makes mine look even more like an infant's than it already does, so I'm conflicted.
Having said all of that, I'm actually surprised that the Bush Justice Department, in their mindless and unconstitutional decency crusade, hasn't proposed using the tax code to shut down the pornography industry in its totality. Since the Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals has found the monstrous and wrong 2257 regulations unconstitutional, the administration is running out of criminal enforcement ammunition in their war on fun.
However, if the tax code were used, it would circumvent any First Amendment challenge. The Constitution is explicit in saying that Congress can tax anything it wants. It's right there in Article I. While taxation would have the effect of stifling free speech, that wouldn't be the stated purpose of the levy. Therefore, it would almost certainly survive any constitutional challenge.
I'm so much smarter than the Bush administration. Now I just have to figure out why I'm giving those ghouls ideas. I should really stop doing that.
Easy Listening Recommendation of the Day: The Girls of Porn By: Mr. Bungle From: Mr. Bungle
NOTES ON TRUE LOVE LOST & WHY EVERYBODY IN CANADA IS AN ASSHOLE BUT ME
Most Canadians are pretty fucking stupid, so their dreams are limited to playing professional hockey, being a shithead like Don Cherry, or owning a Tim Hortons franchise. Canadians are a simple people with simple dreams, and I'm frankly shocked that we're a G8 country. If we didn't corner the export market in space arms, oil and comic actors, we'd be worse off than Uganda. We worship Wayne Gretzky as a god and engaged in five months of nationwide cannibalism when "The Beachcombers" was cancelled.
Canada is the kind of country where the strong are eaten and only the weak survive. Were it not for the intrinsic beauty of our reproductive organs, we would have died off as a nation long ago.
If there's anything worse than Canada, it's Quebec. Besides being "the French fact in North America", it is also a cauldron of corruption. La Belle Province is seemingly controlled by biker gangs who have childish names like "Rock Machine" and no motorcycles. This is preferable to popular democracy, which has only been able to produce life-long losers like Jean Charest. If Canadians were truly serious about making the world a better place, we'd wall off Quebec, plow their fields with salt, and drown the fuckers with their beloved Pepsi cola.
The only worthwhile things to emerge from Quebec is Leonard Cohen and Mitsou. But MaximeBernier wants to join that esteemed company and make it a holy trinity.
Bernier is Canada's Minister of Foreign Affairs, and a notably ineffective one. This is particularly shocking in so far as Canada hasn't had a foreign policy that inspires anything other than laughter for 70 years and pretty much everything the Canadian government does springs exclusively from the fevered dreams of Prime Minister Stephen Harper.
You would think that such a job would be difficult to fuck up, but Monsieur Bernier is doing yeoman's work of it. In his short time in office, he has publicly called for the president of Afghanistan, Hamid Karzai to fire the governor of Kandahar province, Asadullah Khalid, for the type of corruption that makes him suitable only for the Liberal Party of Canada.
Since I'm not foolish enough to believe that Afghan democracy is going to accomplish anything but sadness, I'm not necessarily against calling for the removal of a corrupt bureaucrat who cannot effectively govern a place where Canadian soldiers have a nasty habit of getting dead in large numbers. What I don't support is making that demand in public because doing so never accomplishes anything productive and only serves to make us look like arrogant occupiers.
Having established that MaximeBernier might be retarded, it would be unseemly not to point out my admiration for his skill with the ladies.
For his swearing in by my super-hot governor general as minister of foreign affairs, Bernier was accompanied by a comely fuckslut who had her beautiful jugs hanging out in a way that still makes my balls boil whenever I think about it. It was an impressive display of tits and ass and one that has earned the minister my undying respect.
As it happens, the fuckslut in question, Julie Couillard, has quite the history to accessorize her formidable ta-tas.
Tongues first wagged over Foreign Affairs Minister MaximeBernier's striking companion at last summer's cabinet swearing-in, and Parliament Hill is buzzing anew with revelations she was once married to an outlaw biker and lived with another gangster murdered during a bloody turf war in the 1990s.
The divorced Bernier, 45, first began dating former model and aspiring actress Julie Couillard, 38, during the summer of 2007, and the pair caused a minor furor with her revealing attire at last August's cabinet ceremony. According to newspaper reports, officials in the Prime Minister's Office admonished Bernier over her choice of outfit.
I can only assume that Harper's discomfort with MademoiselleCouillard's sexy, sexy outfit is an outgrowth of his inbred priggishness and inability to truly satisfy a woman. But pretty much everybody in Canada knows that about the prime minister. But the part about her biker history has certainly raised some eyebrows.
According to documents, trial transcripts and newspaper archives, Couillard was romantically involved with two men with strong ties to the Hells Angels biker gang, La Presse reports.
In 1995, Quebec's elite anti-biker squad stormed the house Couillard shared with her then-boyfriend Gilles Giguère, a well-known underworld figure, in a pre-dawn raid.
Couillard was questioned in connection with a murder and extortion plot allegedly involving Giguère, a Hells Angels lawyer, and a Montreal loan shark named Robert "Bob" Savard, key lieutenant to jailed Hells Angels kingpin Maurice "Mom" Boucher.
After a long interrogation, she was released, later filing a complaint to the provincial police commission. She talked of her ordeal in a 1996 interview with Allô Police, a now-defunct Montreal crime tabloid.
Couillard lived with Giguère for three years beginning in 1993, until he decided to become a police informer after being arrested with a cache of machine guns and 20 kilograms of marijuana.
But Giguère was gunned down in April of 1996, before his trial could begin. Police discovered his body in a ditch east of Montreal.
The next year, Couillard began dating StéphaneSirois, another gangland figure who would later become her husband.
Sirois was a member of the Rockers, a Hells Angels puppet club that biker experts say was responsible for taking over drug territories in and around Montreal and eliminating the Hells Angels' competitors.
Sirois later admitted to being a member of a Rockers "baseball team" – who intimidated rivals with baseball bats and smashed up bars that refused to allow the gang to deal drugs – and testified against more than a dozen of his former associates in a 2002 mega-trial.
During that testimony, Sirois contended Boucher had presented an ultimatum: he had to choose Couillard or his gang. He chose the former, but after their 1999 divorce, Sirois became a police informant, and returned to the gang as a mole.
To my knowledge, a biker slut has never gotten into the pants of a federal cabinet minister before, and this frankly speaks well of Quebec. It's nice to see that they still have a criminal element that isn't involved in the Liberal Party's endless kickback schemes.
I'll admit that I have no small reservoir of affection for whores from Quebec. Before the fall of the Berlin Wall, Toronto's strippers were almost all French Canadian and were only put out of work because their Eastern European sisters are infinitely filthier.
I also spent a weekend with a girl from Montreal several years ago and learned that if you have a finger or two in their asses while you eat them out, they tend to be screamers when they come. And they do tend to come a lot. Not having had a screamer before or since, I cherish the memory. As swinish as Quebec's general population is, their women are a precious resource and should be exploited without mercy once the Great Day of Reckoning comes.
While I applaud Bernier's romantic choices without hesitation, Ottawa's churlish political and journalistic establishments are displaying what they are best known for, jealousy and stupidity.
In Ottawa, Liberal Leader Stephane Dion said he had no independent confirmation of the allegations, but what he had heard caused him concern. "Certainly, Mr. Bernier needs to explain because we want to know if there were any matter of national security involved," he told reporters.
This is further evidence that Stephane Dion should shut the fuck up. Bernier is minister of foreign affairs, he's not justice minister or running the Treasury Board. What's the worst thing he can do, give Saskatchewan to the Arizona chapter of the Bandidos? And would that really be so terrible?
Christ, does Dion even like girls? It sure doesn't look like it. And that goes double for Gilles Duceppe. Unless and until either one of those sexless dwarves can demonstrate that they can handle the slutty sphincter of a trained biker whore, they should put their fucking kid gloves back on and leave the important stuff to MaximeBernier and me. It's easy to think that you can handle a woman experienced in pulling a train of hardened, hairy criminals, but the reality is very different. Don't ask how I know that, just know that I do.
We're also learning that, besides being the greatest fuck in the world who isn't my bride-to-be, Julie seems like the kind of girl who can get a self-important cesspool like Ottawa to lighten the fuck up, if only a little.
The cabinet minister’s girlfriend always stood out in the genteel diplomatic crowd that inhabits the foreign affairs building.
Whether smoking cigarettes in an ambassador’s limousine or striding into meetings snapping bubble gum and clad in leather boots and tight jeans, Julie Couillard raised eyebrows.
The prime minister is being surprisingly cool about the whole spectacle. I always figured that if Harper were ever presented with a perfectly shaved pussy, he'd physically recoil and immediately declare martial law.
"I hear that one of my cabinet ministers has an ex-girlfriend," Mr. Harper told reporters at a hastily called scrum Thursday.
"It's none of my business, none of Mr. Duceppe's business, none of Mr. Dion's business," he said, referring to the leaders of the Liberal and Bloc Quebecois parties.
"Mr. Dion and Mr. Duceppe are quite a group of gossipy old busy-bodies," the Prime Minister added.
Harper should have concluded his remarks on the matter by asking if Dion and Duceppe are also "worthless cocksuckers", but the man is the prime minister of Canada, and apparently some things actually are beneath him. Who knew?
Of course, none of this is stopping the Liberals and the Bloc from looking extraordinarily silly and sad.
At one point, Tory MPs booed so loudly during a question by Liberal House Leader Ralph Goodale that the Speaker had to intervene. Peter Milliken ruled such queries were in order.
"This is not about Madame Couillard. This is about national security," said Mr. Goodale.
"This is a fundamental issue of democracy and if the government is not prepared to let the people of Canada have their say and ask decent legitimate questions, then this government stands exposed as government that is denying fundamental democracy."
Fucking a girl who fucked a bunch of bikers is a "fundamental issue of democracy?" Really? Jesus Christ, it's getting to the point that Canadian democracy is so fragile that a gang bang might just plunge us all into the darkness of fascism.
Furthermore, Goodale is the wrong person to lead this charge. The Liberals need a recognized expert on sluttishness. By the way, where isBelinda Stronach, anyway? She'd be good at this as she could ask questions like "Mr. Speaker, did the minister ejaculate in Madame Couillard's ass? Because a man will do anything, including jeopardize the national security, for a woman who lets him do that."
Only a true dumper daredevil like Belinda knows what the stakes really are in a situation like this. Belinda knows it, Peter MacKay knows it, I know it, and now you know it, too.
Of course, the jackals in the Fourth Estate are giddy over the prospect of talking about tits and ass while pretending that it's really about something other than tits and ass. The sexual frustration of the Toronto Star's James Travers in particular is almost palpable.
It's as easy to make too much of MaximeBernier's latest twirl in the spotlight as it is to miss the point. Who he dates is mostly important because it muddies the message he was trusted to deliver.
What "message" is Bernier's cock supposed to be delivering, Jim? "I Break for Nuns?"
Bernier's success in annoying separatists is measured by reports that Bloc mischief-making was central to the resurrection of the Julie Couillard story reporters previously explored and found wanting. While ticking off the Bloc delights patriots as well as Conservatives hoping Quebec will help push the party from minority to majority, it's slim compensation for the wreckage trailing the minister mandarins half-jokingly call "Mad Max."
High in the damage report is the Conservative law-and-order image. As unfair as it is to a woman with no criminal record, politicians in particular are judged by the company they keep and it's hard to find worse company than bikers.
I disagree. Politicians are seen in the company of journalists all the time. Most surveys show that reporters rank somewhere around the level of child molesters in the public's esteem and well below blogger scumbags like me. Something tells me that I've had filthy, nasty sex with more of my readers than James Travers has with his. Accordingly, I'm much more important than he is. Giving up the nappy dugout is much more of a personal commitment to a writer than, say, paying seventy five cents on the way to work. Just sayin'.
Worse still, the Star's own chronically wrong editorial page forcefully disagrees with its star pundit.
All of the above goes double for Stephen Maher of the Nova Scotia Chronicle Herald. Maher is seemingly incapable of making a point and writes for a newspaper that probably has fewer readers than I have, which is fucking pathetic. Almost nobody is reading me at this point.
There are a few points here to remember when considering the importance of Monsieur Bernier's past-tense bumping of uglies with Madam Couillard
MaximeBernier doesn't take a dump without a note from Stephen Harper explicitly allowing it and dictating the size and girth of the turd.
No one has managed to explain how a former fucktoy of the Quebec Hells Angels constitutes a national security threat. Has Sonny Barger allied himself with al-Qaeda without telling anyone?
Bernier is sadly no longer fucking Julie, therefore any "threat" has receded.
Stephane Dion, Gilles Duceppe, James Travers and Stephen Maher are all singularly incapable of satisfying a woman and probably aren't interested in learning. You could send all four of them to the fucking Learning Annex and none of them would be able to find the clitoris with a flashlight afterward.
This is the best scandal that can be dug up on the Tories? Really?
Have you seen her tits? Canada has no real national security policy to speak of and Mme. Couillard has fantabulousfunbags. If I absolutely have to worry about something, I'd prefer to worry about something that I know for a fact exists.
I've said a lot of incredibly sexist things in this little essay and all of them happen to be true. But I'm also telling you something that the Liberals, Bloc Quebecois and the goddamned liberal media isn't - that this story isn't about national security and never was. It's a story about slutty pussy written under the pretext of national security.
If this was a serious story, the media would have been on top of it (so to be speak) when the Bloc started pimping it out months ago. And they did check it out, but decided that it just wasn't as important as the fact that Dion was going to be a coward about forcing an election for the sixth month in a row.
But Parliament is about to go out of session for the summer and, since neither Harper or Dion is going to do anything remotely interesting, pussy is as good a topic for the press gallery to write about as any.
I can't prove this, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm being read by a few Canadian journalists. If that's true, I'd like to take this opportunity to tell them that they're fundamentally dishonest. When I write a story a story about cunt, at least I tell my readers (and usually in the headline) "Hey, look at this story about cunt!"
However, if you don't know the difference between biker cunt and national security and can't explain how one impacts the other, chances are you don't understand either. Julie Couillard isn't Ellen Rometsch, you dumb bastards. At best, she's a girl who spent a decade being passed around at keggers and traded for particularly good crystal meth.
It's adorable that assholes like Ralph Goodale and James Travers think that a former Hell's Angels cum dumpster is a threat to "fundamental democracy" when the all of the available evidence indicates that they themselves - and the proud and profoundly ignorant voters and readers who support them - are a much more serious threat.
The public likes being stupid and the political and journalistic classes of North American society are more than happy to keep them that way. If they can do that while writing about a girl with big tits and a well-worn cooter, all the better.
The ability to get along with people is very important to a successful political career. And to get along with them, you have to learn about them. Some of us are better at that than others, and as we learned from the Starr Report, Bill Clinton was better at it than everybody. While I'm at it, I should also credit Larry Craig with inventing a new and interesting brand of retail politics.
That's why I'm continually mystified by sex scandals in politics. When you get right down to it, there's no better way to get to know someone than to fuck them. And if you're any good, you can write it off as constituent servicing. Besides, fucking is fun and I can't honestly bring myself to demand someone's head for something that I'd do myself if given the chance.
And that's why Australia contunually confounds me. For a nation built on the bedrock principles of felonious conduct and and a contempt for law and order, they sure seem to get upset by trivial things.
One of Australia's most senior conservative politicians broke down as he tearfully admitted sniffing the chair of a female colleague shortly after she vacated it.
Troy Buswell, the leader of the opposition Liberal Party in Western Australia, was under intense pressure to resign over the incident, which happened in 2005.
I have to assume that the Telegraph is fucking with me. Newspapers do that from time to time, and it remains the only way I can explain away Paul Krugman having a career. The great Mark Bourrie can explain how this works to you because I have more important matters on my mind. Like sniffing women's chairs. Besides, Mark has said any number of nice things about me and that's reason enough for you all to read Ottawa Watch.
Look, Australia is the kind of country where a woman knows that she's having a bad day if it didn't start with a gang rape. Most North Americans don't know this, but "The Road Warrior" was actually a fucking documentary. I can hardly believe that their cannibalistic leaders would exert "intense pressure" to get someone to resign their post just because she huffed some broad's chair.
I can't believe it if for no other reason than I've done exactly the same thing. I used to work with one of the top five most gorgeous women I've ever seen and she smelled unbelievable. So, yeah, I sniffed her chair. Every day for nearly a year. Don't get me wrong, I waited until after she went home to do it. I'm a pervert and not an Australian, for Christ's sake.
Also, I refuse to kick it any way other than old school. As a matter of fact, I'd often wear a fedora and sing Sinatra's "Witchcraft" as I sniffed that chair because that's the way Frank would have done it.
As you know, there are few things as important to me than the female posterior and the appreciation of same is something that I excel at. I'm a man of few gifts, but that's the one I cherish most.
I hardly feel it fair that I'm celebrated around the world for my enthusiasms while Troy Buswell is being crucified in the press for his. But that's precisely what's happening and the only reason you need to believe that the press are jackals.
"All I can confirm is that the events described in the paper [The West Australian] by the former female staffer are accurate," he said.
Holding back tears at a news conference, Mr Buswell admitted that his behaviour before becoming party leader three months ago had sometimes been highly offensive.
He has previously admitted to snapping a woman's bra as a drunken party trick and has been accused by a retiring Liberal MP of making sexist remarks to her.
Okay, snapping a woman's bra can be legally defined as an assault and one should never assault a woman. Even in Australia. Even if she's really asking for it. As to the sexist remarks, I'd have to actually find out what they were before I pass judgement on them. They may have been really funny and I'm hardly the sort who would condemn a gentleman for that.
So a guy wants to know if the delicate bouqet of a woman's glorious buttocks remains on her seat after she vacates it. It's not like he killed anybody, for Christ's sake. And they want him to quit for that? Jesus, I'd quit over the suggestion that what I did was somehow wrong.
As a matter of fact, I'd know exactly how I'd feel if a lady wanted to inhale my ass aroma. I'd be deeply, deeply flattered and I'd probably buy her flowers. Or rather, I would have when I was still single, which I no longer am. Only my beautiful Zombie gets to smell my chair now. Sorry ladies, but you had your chance.
I can only hope that Mr. Buswell has the support of a loving wife and an understanding family during his time of persecution.
The emergence of the chair-sniffing incident had placed a strain on his marriage, he conceded.
"These are difficult issues for me to deal with and they are very difficult issues for my family to deal with," he said.
Gad-fucking-zooks! Abandoned by his own family and left twisting slowly, slowly in the wind by his own bride during his hour of trial. What ever happened to "love, respect and honor, in good times and bad" anyway? I'm pretty sure that Troy was patient when his wife was on the rag every month. Where's the fucking reciprocity? I guess I'll never understand marriage at all.
At least the leader has the unbreakable support of his party stalwarts.
Other members of the Liberal party said privately they were disgusted by the whole episode, but would not challenge Mr Buswell as leader of the Liberals because there was no better candidate.
You know, I'm a great student of how political machinery is built and operates. And I can't think of a meeting in all of history that I'd rather be in than that one. I can just see it now;
Australian Liberal Guy #1: "Crikey, seems Troy's arse-sniffing has gotten him in a sticky wicket! What do we do?"
Australian Liberal Guy #2: "Get rid him and elect another leader?"
Australian Liberal Guy #1: "Brilliant! Who do you have in mind?"
Australian Liberal Guy #2: "How about Gus?"
Australian Liberal Guy #1: "Serial rapist. And he's awaiting trial. That would look dodgy. Australian Liberal Guy #2: "What about Gordon?"
Australian Liberal Guy#1: "Fuckin' poofter!"
Australian Liberal Guy #2: "Right. Looks like we're stuck with Troy then.
If you ever wanted to know how politics works, now you do.
Easy Listening Recommendation of the Day: Witchcraft By: Frank Sinatra From: The Capitol Years
I'm of the mind that if you run a large, complicated and almost entirely backward country, you should get all of the extracurricular pussy you can handle. But, as Bill Clinton found out, that causes endless amounts of bullshit, mostly from asshole Republicans and his busybody wife. And Clinton appears to have been exclusively a mouth man.
Russian president Vladimir Putin has been learning about how that works of late. However, Russians - their experience with communism notwithstanding - are far more practical than are Americans and they tend to applaud their leaders getting strange trim, if only because it keeps their minds off of sending the populace to gulags and whatnot.
For the last month or so, the Russian media has been agog with rumors that Putin has been fucking former olympic gymnast and current member of the Duma Alina Kabaeva. If the rumors are true, Putin is very smart.
A modern gentleman always strives to couple with women who can contort themselves in sexually productive ways and likes to get naked for the media. Women are attracted to power and men are attracted to women who can flip their crotches over their heads, thereby aligning all of their girly-holes perfectly. Not only is that the way things are, it's they way they ought to be. To get upset with this is to be upset with human biology, which is something of a Republican specialty.
When one finds himself a 55 year old man and has the opportunity to hammerfuck a 104 pound, 24 year old girl who can put herself in extraordinarily useful positions, one should always do so.
Of course, you could point out that President Putin is married, but that proves that you're an idiot. First wives never count, particularly when they are unable to flip their crotches over their heads. If you don't believe me, just ask Newt Gingrich. He'll learn you, but good.
Fucking a gymnast is something everybody should do at least once. And once you do, you'll find it difficult to avoid alerting the media. That's just the way it works.
However, journalists, as we all know, are swine and are incapable of leaving well enough alone. The journalistic class has taken something as pure and innocent as fucking a 24 year old, 104 pound gymnast into something tawdry, like marrying a 24 year old, 104 pound gymnast.
That's obviously going too far. Every gentleman knows that one never marries a girl who can flip her crotch over her head when you're already fucking her. And Vladimir Putin is more than just your typical gentleman, he's the president of a goddamned country. He can do all manner of cool things, like fire nuclear weapons at those who annoy him or poison them with plutonium. And you think your Trans Am is cool?
As president, Vladimir can also fuck with the vermin in the press corps in ways that must keep George W. Bush awake at night. It takes a special form of stupid that can only be found in journalism school to fuck with a guy who can poison you with plutonium.
Well, the president of the Russian Federation is about to teach them that Putin don't take no mess!
Russia's lower house of parliament voted Friday to widen the definition of slander and libel and give regulators the authority to shut down media outlets found guilty of publishing such material.
The legislation, passed by the State Duma 339-1, is the latest attempt by the government to squeeze the country's increasingly embattled news media.
How would you like to be the one member of the Duma who voted against the measure? Unless that member was Alina, it probably wasn't a very smart thing to do.
The bill allows authorities to suspend and close down media outlets for libel and slander -- punishment that is identical to that for news media found to be promoting terrorism, extremism and racial hatred.
It also expands the definition of slander and libel to "dissemination of deliberately false information damaging individual honor and dignity."
It turns out that Putin's pecs of steel and absolute power over the state can be intimidating, but mostly his absolute power over the state.
I'll bet those scumbag reporters are sorry now.
Easy Listening Recommendation of the Day: Papa Don't Take No Mess By: James Brown From: Star Time
TOBACCO, RACISM & HOOKERS: THE HYPOCRISY OF WARREN KINSELLA
I try to avoid calling Warren Kinsella a fascist, because I think that he actually does believe in freedom. Unfortunately, he believes in freedom in its most childish incarnation; the right to say "fuck" in punk rock songs and vote for the Liberal Party of Canada. That is to say that Mr. Kinsella believes that you have the god-given right to do anything that he approves of.
It is on matters that Warren finds distasteful that we run into problems. For the last several months, Kinsella and most of the Canadian blogosphere have engaged in an often hilarious debate of almost staggering stupidity over hate speech and human rights commissions. Sadly, a number of American blogs have weighed in and contributed little other than demonstrating yet again their shocking ignorance of anything that occurs outside of the lower forty-eight.
Dalton McGuinty's BFF seems to be of the belief that if someone draws a swastika on a hockey rink boy's room, we are in imminent danger of witnessing another Holocaust against the Jewish people. I happen to believe that such a stance is an insult to the intelligence of the living and a mockery of the dead. It displays not only an ignorance of history, but a deeply profound one.
Firstly, I'm pretty sure that anti-Semetism pre-dates the invention of hockey.
Secondly, anti-Semitism is a natural extension of Christian, and particularly Catholic, theology. Without the prevelence of that theology in Europe, the Holocaust would have been unthinkable. You cannot have a church that spends 2,000 years preaching that the Jews killed the Son of Man without the expectation that someone somewhere will act on it.
It naturally follows that if you can blame the Jews for the crucifixion, you can blame them for other things as well. As we have seen, these things can include the treaty of Versailles and the Great Depression. European Jewery didn't become an international boogeyman over the course of a Berlin weekend back in 1933, it actually took centuries of work. European anti-Semetism predates Adolf Hitler, but it does not pre-date the Catholic Church.
However, pointing that out might make Christians and Catholics feel bad. Accordingly, it might constitute hate speech. And that's the danger of hate speech laws: the stifling of debate it naturally creates.
I have a natural and intense hatred of bigots and idiots. When the Great Day of Reckoning comes, I would very much like to feed them into a wood chipper. That will require two things, a really big wood chipper and the ability to easily find these people. Canadian law, as currently written, makes it very difficult to find these people because they're more afraid of going to jail for what they think than they are of the wood chipper.
Advocacy of hate speech laws also naturally presumes the existence of an efficient government, which democracy doesn't tend to promote. As the great P.J O'Rourke once pointed out, the government has a difficult time delivering the mail, which has your address on it and everything. Christ, the government of Canada couldn't even make sure that the Quebec advertising agencies that received zillions of dollars in federal contracts produced any actual work. To be fair, it make damn sure that the appropriate kick-backs went to the Liberal Party.
I want to make one thing clear, I don't doubt Mr. Kinsella's integrity and motives. I honestly believe that he's as close as what passes for a good man in the Liberal Party. I'm just questioning his intelligence.
Sadly, Warren has tired of the existential threat to Jews and Muslims everywhere. I suppose you can only take so many pictures in hockey rink boy's rooms before folks start asking questions. Instead, he has declared a jihad against being an adult. The target of that jihad is the Toronto Star Corporation.
As some of you might know, my father died of smoking-related illness as well. And he did so in a particularly gruesome way. I don't want to compare and contrast Daddy-death, but Warren got to say goodbye to his father in a hospital room. I was a little preoccupied giving CPR to mine on the fucking kitchen floor.
Having said that, my father knew precisely what smoking was doing to him and he continued to do so anyway. As a matter of fact, I know that smoking will also kill me someday.
Other than loathing non-smokers with a high degree of emotional intensity and wanting to hit them all on the head with an anvil, I don't find anything intellectually objectionable to being anti-tobacco so long as you're honest about it. Unfortunately, most anti-smoking activists are incredibly dishonest.
I live in a country with a single-payer heath care system. Smokers contribute billions of dollars more every year to that system than do non-smokers. Or at least we would be if tax dollars were dedicated to health care as opposed to going into general revenue, which supports useless things like Saskatchewan. Furthermore, we don't consume the benefits of the system that non-smokers do.
Here's an intersting fact. The most expensive way to die is being really old. Approximately 90% of the health care you receive will be in the last 18 months of your life. Old people are treated for things like Alzheimer's and Parkinson's diseases and slow-acting cancers. As a general rule, smokers die young, and they die fast. While I'm sure that someone out there will show me a 122-year old guy who smokes three packs of Luckys a day, they should know that they're presenting the exception rather than the rule.
If everyone quit smoking tomorrow, you would quickly come to the realization that a health care system already doomed by millions of boomer assholes who are determined to live forever would be deprived of billions of dollars immediately. While I do respect the fact that you don't smoke, I resent being shit upon as I'm subsidizing your goddamn MRI and autistic kids through the 400% tax I'm paying on a legal product while being called an asshole for the privilge. I'm not browbeating you for volunteering to have retarded kids. All I ask in return is to be left alone.
If you're a sick Canadian who doesn't smoke, you should say an extra prayer to whatever god you worship that I don't quit myself. If every smoker in Canada dropped the habit tomorrow, everybody's taxes would go up to recover the billions in lost revenue. Worse still, you non-smoking assholes wouldn't get to feel all self-righteous anymore.
Then there's the small issue of the tabacco farmers in eastern Ontario and Quebec that I'm keeping in silken underpants. If you think that I'm just keeping the executive class of Imperial Tobacco off of the unemployment line, you're sadly mistaken. But maybe I'm wrong and the Canadian taxpayer wants to subsidize even more farmers for underperforming than they already are. Somehow I doubt that I'm wrong.
But let's get back to Warren, shall we?
This morning, CBC Radio reported that Torstar has broken with a decade-long ban, and accepted three full-page cigarette ads in Eye Weekly. Its principal competitor, Now, has refused the same ads, to its great credit.
Firstly, I should note to my international readers that Eye is a free newpaper that is distributed mostly in subway stations. Advertisrers will always do business with free publications because of what is known as "pass along" readership. What that means is that if someone leaves their copy of Eye on the subway, three other people will pick it up and read it. There's no other reason for anyone to place an ad in a free paper than that. Advertisers will sooner drop their business from a paid circulation publication than a free one. The reach of a free circular is generally greater than a paid one and the rates are generally lower.
That being the case, getting pissed off about cigarette ads displays a profound and disturbing ignorance of how advertising industry actually works.
Let's assume for a second that the NFL took millions of dollars of ads from a group wanting to turn Super Bowl Sunday into "National Beat Your Wife Day." Unless you already beat your wife, the ads aren't going to make a difference. If you already beat your wife, the ads might influence which of your beloved's eyes you blacken on Super Sunday, but that's about it
As much as I love Bob Dylan, he can't convince me to buy an Escalade, because I don't drive. Advertising will never convince you to engage in a behavior that you otherwise wouldn't. What it does do is influence brand selection. If you don't hit your wife, the NFL can't convince you to punch her in the right eye as opposed to the left. If you don't drive, it doesn't matter if Bob Dylan tells you to drive an Escalade. And if you don't smoke, the best fucking advertising in the world won't compel you to start.
Perhaps Mr. Kinsella is worried that a talking camel will convince his children to smoke. If that's the case, perhaps he isn't doing his job as a parent, in which case the government should take said children away from him. After all, he's the one who thinks that government knows best, not me.
I can forgive Warren's incredible ignorance of how advertising works because he has made his living in political advertising. Political ads rely almost exclusively on half-truths and outright lying in way that would bankrupt any commercial venture. If I were to run an ad saying that cigarettes will make you taller, I'd properly be destroyed finacially. But Kinsella worked on a campaign that said that it would never, ever raise taxes no matter what. And as soon as they entered office, that campaign instituted a spectaculary high "health tax."
What Warren Kinsella wants to punish is the adverising of a legal product that he doesn't like, but allow himself and his clients to lie relentlesly in furtherence of an empty suit's political ambitions. You're an idiot if you say "no new taxes", if you actually believe it. If you don't, you're something infinately worse. It should be noted that Kinsella's company is called Daisy, which refers to the most dishonest and effective ad in political history.
That leads to another interesting question. Warren keeps throwing out the name of the Toronto Star, which owns Eye Weekly. One can safely assume that Eye wouldn't be accepting tobacco advertising without the expressed permission of their masters at the Star.
But the Star is editorally friendly to the Liberal parties of Canada and Ontario. Mr. Kinsella isn't going to go after the benefactors of his patrons, is he? If Warren is demanding that the government of of Ontario, Toronto and Canada stop advertising in Eye because of the tobacco advertising, why isn't he also demanding that the ultimate profiteers of those ads, the Star, be refused their patronage? Will Daisy refuse to place ads on behalf of it's clients with Torstar? Will Daisy encourage its clients to not grant interviews with Torstar properties? I think fucking not.
Mr. Kinsella isn't going to do anything that costs himself or his clients anything personally. What Warren is doing is engaging in an exercise in self-edification that really doesn't cost him anything. If his principles are so strong against big tobacco, he should lead by example and refuse to do business with anyone who does business with them.
If it turns out that Dalton McGuinty's Ontario continues to subsidize tobacco farmers, will you or Daisy continue to accept contracts from Dalton McGuinty's Ontario, Warren? If you're going on moral stands, full disclosure is sort of important.
What has me most upset is the imputation that tobacco consumers are tools of advertisers any more than they are of any other legal product. Mr. Kinsella is free to imply that his own father was a mindless tool of Big Tobacco, but I refuse to say that about mine. Perhaps his father was an idiot. Mine wasn't. My father was a highly intelligent person who chose to use a legal product with full knowlege of the risks it carried.
Mr. Kinsella can paint his father as hick simpleton all he wants. That was his father and that's his right. I wouldn't say that my father was a blind consumer of things that were bad for him just because people like Warren said that they were full of vitamin C and stuff, but I don't know the Kinsella family.
But you should also remember that this is a guy who refuses to link the legal prostitution ads he protests as he links white power websites that he contends should be illegal. I refuse to send racist websites traffic both as a matter of principle and because I'm pretty sure that most people are already aware of racism.
More Canadians have likely been exposed to more hate from warrenkinsella.com than from any other source. On those grounds alone, you tell me who has created greater access to racist literature. Kinsella is sending traffic to the very people he wants prosecuted. As a matter fact, he's made money highlighting these people through his book, Web of Hate (which I won't link because it exposes people to hate literature.) Warren might not know this, but there are any number of anti-racisim groups that don't personally profit from racism.
And he's a guy who's calling for a boycott of a paper that makes money from legal product that the government he supports and does business with makes far more money than the paper could ever hope to. Kinsella also used to write for Eye, whose prostitution revenue he decries, but in part once paid his salary. Just because Huggy Bear talked to Starsky and Hutch didn't make him any less of a pimp, Warren. But there were no calls for a governmental boycott when Eye was merely promoting what he describes as kidfucking, were there?
Far be it from me to pass judgement, but the big orange fuzzy hat of a pimp speaks far louder your protestations of sex slavery. As you yourself admit, you didn't leave Eye voluntarily, you were fired because of political differences. You seemed to be fine living off of the proceeds of prostitution under your definition. It's tragic that Paul Martin ruined it like he ruined so many other things.
Mr. Kinsella, if you're going to wig out on Eye Weekly now, please explain how you weren't living off of the proceeds of prostitution when you were their dilligent employee. I know for a fact that I would have quit under those circumstances.
The government of Ontario raises millions of dollars from tobacco. The Liberal Party of Ontario is subsidized by those taxes. Warren Kinsella endorses the Liberal Party and makes a healthy living from those proceeds. Furthermore, you were okay with government advertising in a paper you accused of promoting child-fucking, but smoking is over the line? Where in the fuck are your priorities?
If Warren is going to be so moral, he should disclose his and Daisy's client lists and their connections to Big Tobacco. If he isn't willing to do so, you'll know everything you need to to about his morality. If Warren Kinsella was half a man, he'd respond to this post publicly (because I know as a fact that'll he'll read it before sundown), but I know that he won't.
When faced with the facts, it's easier to draw attention to people like Kate McMillian, Ezra Levant and the bathroom wall at some hockey rink. Update: If anyone can photoshop a picture of Warren wearing a giant pimp hat and/or carrying a big wad of tobacco money, I'd appreciate it. Easy Listening Recommendation of the Day: Cigarettes and Coffee By: Otis Redding From:Otis! The Definitive Otis Redding
People used to be much nicer to one another. Let's say that if your neighbor went on vacation and your lawmower broke down. You'd just borrow the neighbor's and mow his lawn as a gesture. No harm, no foul.
That's actually still the case in some cultures. When I was in college, I had a teacher of South Asian extraction and she was explaining to the class that you should be careful about complimenting things in an Indian home as the host will feel obligation to give it you.
For example, if you were to say that you really like their silverware, you wind up with that very set. I asked what happened if you said that their daughter was cute and everybody laughed and laughed, but I never really got a straight answer.
Obviously, that's not the case in most homes. If you try borrowing something as simple as a lawnmower or a daughter in this day and age, you'd be facing years of civil litigation or the wrong end of Joe Horn's shotgun. Actually, that's not fair, Mr. Horn shot those cats in the back.
The point remains that you just can't rely on the kindness of strangers or neighbors any more. It's sad, but true. Seemingly everything has to be a federal case these days.
As you know, I'm Canadian. Canadians are famous the world over for being really polite and going that extra mile to help others. We do this mostly to avoid being confused with Americans on, say, an airplane when the shit hits the fan.
Police in Ottawa are looking for a man who they say broke into a woman's apartment to view pornography on her computer.
Investigators say a woman in her 20s woke up at 4 a.m. Wednesday to find a man with his pants down looking at pornography on her computer. She confronted the man, who fled through the front door of her apartment.
A lot of folks, broads mostly, read a story like that say things like "eww." And then they start forming politically correct posses to go "nut cutting."
Sadly, it's left to me to recognize who the real victim is here. I do this partly because I'm a saint among men and partly because I'm just smarter than everybody else.
I feel badly for the young man in question. Everyone is pointing fingers and getting the police involved without asking the really important questions. These would include "Doesn't he have broadband at his own place?"
If you've never tried watching porn on a dial-up connection, you have no idea what a trial it can be. And that goes double if you're especially horny. I happen to keep a couple of hundred fuck-tapes on VHS in the event of a broadband blowout, but I'm like a goddamned boy scout. Also, I happen to enjoy VHS. It just feels dirtier.
Unfortunately, not everyone's prepared like me. And that's where misunderstandings happen.
I'll bet the young lady in this story didn't even let her guest finish himself off. One has to imagine that the only thing worse than running out a stranger's apartment at 4 am is doing so frustrated by a set of bloated balls.
Look, I understand that guests can be a pain in the ass and that a girl needs her beauty sleep. But I can't help but think that in, say, my grandparents day, a girl would just finish him off so she could get back to sleep. It just seems like the neighborly thing to do.
Granted, I never did graduate from college, so I could be wrong.
Easy Listening Recommendation of the Day: She's So Cold By: The Rolling Stones From: Emotional Rescue
THE DOCTOR IS IN: WHY SENATOR TOM COBURN SHOULD BE VICE PRESIDENT!
Oklahoma's junior senator, Dr. Tom Coburn is an interesting guy. He's one of the very few fiscal conservatives left in a Republican Party that would have made FDR's Democrats tremble in fear if any of them were still alive. After he lived up to his word on term-limits and declined to run for re-election to the House, but before he ran for the Senate, Coburn wrote a book about what skunks the GOP are when it comes to money.
He also seems to understand that the occupation of Iraq is a horrible disaster and voted against appropriating funds to continue the operation last year. I happen to think that voting to effectively cut off money to a military engagement once it is well underway is horribly misguided, but you have to give Senator Coburn credit for being one of the very few Republicans alive who is actually capable of recognizing reality. I happen to believe that incompetence and gross negligence are grounds for impeachment and if the Congress had any balls, they would have started proceedings against President Bush on those grounds years ago.
Having said that, Coburn has done some truly nutty shit in his day. The most obvious example is his 2000 endorsement of Alan Keyes for president. Keyes, who I've written about at some length before, is batshit fucking crazy in ways that leaves members of the Manson family shaking their heads. Not only does Keyes have no business running for president, he should have his citizenship revoked.
What Coburn and Keyes have in common is an almost psychopathic obsession with abortion. Both support a wrong-headed "human life amendment" to the Constitution that has no hope of passing either house of Congress and no more than perhaps thirteen states and would only have the net result of complicating everybody's love life if it did pass. Once you outlaw abortion, you outlaw fun, unless of course you happen to be Larry Craig. In that case your toe-tapping follies remain unaffected.
A human life amendment would encourage something far worse than back alley abortions. It would encourage the responsible use of condoms, which are almost always too small. From that, any half-smart adult can only conclude one thing: all men who support the human life amendment have small penises that can comfortably fit into commercially available prophelatics.
Senator Coburn is, if nothing else, intellectually consistent in his opposition to abortion. I love abortion, but I can respect Tom's opposition to it because he makes no exceptions.
If you believe that abortion is murder, you cannot morally accept exceptions for rape or incest. If you believe that human life is ended by abortion, it should matter not at all how that life begins. Also, if you believe that abortion is murder, you believe that the woman is engaged in murder for hire and should therefore believe that she should serve more prison time than the abortionist. Look at pretty much any conspiracy statute if you're unsure what I mean.
If you suport jailing abortionists and not the women who keep them in business, you're not only an idiot, you're dishonset beyond words. If you believe in the human life amendment, you believe that seeking an abortion is no different than hiring someone to kill your spouse. Why then should the lead conspirator walk away from prosecution?
I know that it's politically correct and nice to say that you respect the opinion of those on the other side of an issue, and I agree. If you're willing to say in public that you'd ban all exceptions to abortion except perhaps the life of the mother and agree that women should be prosecuted for conspiracy for even seeking an abortion, you have my upmost respect. If you don't, then you're an asshole. Human life is either expendable or it isn't. If you think that there's a "middle ground" on "human life" then you're either a liar, a Nazi, or a goddamn idiot. Take a side or shut the fuck up.
If you believe that abortion is covered by the Ten Commandments, I should remind you that none of the ten carries a qualification for "rape, incest or health of the mother." If you believe that abortion is murder, then you have a moral duty to cut any woman who has ever had one out of your life forever. Murder is, after all, murder. If you're not willing to do that, what's stopping you from being pen-pals with David Berkowitz?
If you take the side of true protection of human life, I'll respect you forever. If you don't, then I have no other choice but to conclude that you're an opportunistic jackal looking to exploit the pain of individuals at the most vulnerable moment of their lives. And I refuse to see you as an advocate of "small government" again.
Coburn has also opposed legislation that would deny insurance companies the right to use your DNA against you, but introduced legislation that would allow doctors and insurance companies to demand HIV tests from you. It should go without saying that this is too insane for fucking words. On the other hand, Tom Coburn has been touted as a potential running mate for John McCain and I think I support that.
Firstly, it would get all of those nu-conservative assholes who hate McCain to shut the fuck up and fall in line like they've been demanding of everyone else for twenty years now. As much as I'd like to see the talk radio mongloids and their 11 minute a day audiences die of agonizing exploding anuerysms, I'd also very much like to see John McCain become president.
Secondly, Coburn is behind an issue near and dear to my heart - big fake titties.
Much has been made of "security moms." I'd like to say that those people are statist fools. Anyone who thinks that warrantless wiretaps won't be extended into general crime in the very near future just hasn't been paying attention. The USA Patriot Act was originally written to only apply to terrorists, too. Now it applies to tax returns, strip joints and where and how you can buy Sudafed. If you support the Bush administration, you oppose the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, the Bill of Rights and the very idea of freedom itself.
The chances that your children will be killed by al-Qaeda is statistically insignificant when compared to the odds that they'll be killed by the Bloods or Crips. Why are their Fourth Amendment rights so precious? And what makes you think yours are?
I'd like to posit that you can't be a "security mom" and believe in reproductive freedom. How do intellectually reconcile that the government can listen to your phone calls and know what books you buy, but stay out of your uterus? You can't allow the government to intrude on the personal moments of your life without it, well, intruding on the most personal moments of your life.
Oh right, I was talking about Tom Coburn's love of big fake titties, wasn't I?
Senator Coburn's love silicone funbags is more than enough to bridge the gap between us on things like abortion and his previous endorsements of the mentally ill for the presidency. Islamic fundamentalist terrorism is considered an "existential issue" to some, but American broads with giant breasts is an existential issue to me.
Speaking of doctors, physician-Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.), a new member of the Senate Judiciary Committee, was at last week's meeting on a bill restricting class-action suits. "You know," he said, "I immediately thought about silicone breast implants and the legal wrangling and the class-action suits off that.
"And I thought I would just share with you what science says today about silicone breast implants. If you have them, you're healthier than if you don't. That is what the ultimate science shows. . . . In fact, there's no science that shows that silicone breast implants are detrimental and, in fact, they make you healthier."
See?
Not only is Tom Coburn a United States Senator from a silly place like Oklahoma, he's a motherfucking doctor!
You have to understand that not everyone has a magical religious experience like Salma Hayek did.
And when girls do have a religious experience, it almost never works out for guys like Tom Coburn and me. That's why prayer is selfish, mean and evil.
That's right, you get fucked over, not only by naturally big-chested girls, but by life itself. That's how we know that women who get their awesome udders from god are selfish and cruel. That's just one reason that god should be stopped immediately.
But girls with fake funbags know what it's like to be the underdog. They know what it is to come up short in life's lottery, just like I did with my penis. But my flat-chested sisters just happened to be more pro-active about their dilemma than I am.
Now I'm not going to lie to you. A bunch of faggoty doctors and journalists might try to tell you that silicone breast implants are bad for your health. But if you're smart like me, you'll know that if something is good enough to seal your bathtub with, it's good enough to pack into your chest cavity. If you need a stupid college degree to be convinced of that, I just feel sorry for you.
You see, Senator Coburn and I know what time it really is. We know that silicone breast implants aren't just good, they're good for you. They won't just make you healthier than a lifetime's worth of Wheaties, they'll make you a happier person. Haven't you ever noticed that girls with giant, faux knockers just seem to smile bigger than everybody else? And that's not just a result of all the free cars they're getting.
No, I would suggest that these girls are secure in the knowledge that they're not just all that they can be, they're more! These women are way better than the fucking marines. If you doubt me, I suggest that you turn them loose on the jihadist assholes who would dare to take the source of their joy away from them.
Senator Tom Coburn is so much more than just a doctor and a legislator, he's a modern hero, goddamnit! Forget about his delusional beliefs about abortion. He'll never realize those and I think he knows it. But he does know the power of faux knockers and the positive social change they bring.
"Lesbianism is so rampant in some of the schools in Southeast Oklahoma that they'll only let one girl go to the bathroom" he once noted. "Now think about it." If you're anything like me, you can't stop thinking about it,if for no other reason than you've finally learned something useful about Southeast Oklahoma. Prior to hearing about the local tradition of teenage lesbianism, I thought that Southeast Oklahoma was only good for nuclear weapons testing. But I've seen the light. Giant jugged teenaged dykes are too precious a resource to waste. Senator Coburn is right to brag about it.
Sure, Coburn has a fetish about his great-grandmother's rape by a sheriff and a disturbing habit of discussing it in public, but he's right on the Big Things. He knows that "the opposite of being dead is being alive," the spiritual importance of high school lesbianism, and he knows that silicone breast implants will only make a woman healthier.
Now I'm not suggesting that your new big fake titties are going to turn your average teenage lesbian into Salma Hayek overnight and neither is Tom Coburn. That's just crazy talk. Chances are that you'll never be that sexy unless you're De. But Senator Coburn has a position on immigration that will remove Ms. Hayek as a threat to your womanhood forever.
Tom Coburn isn't just right for the vice presidency, he's right for America!
Easy Listening Recommendation of the Day: After Dark By: Tito & Tarantula From:From Dusk Till Dawn Original Soundtrack
State of War: The Secret History of the CIA and the Bush Administration by James Risen Finished, Thursday 19 January 2006
A Simple Twist of Fate: Bob Dylan and the Making of Blood on the Tracks by Andy Gill and Kevin Odegard Finished, 23 January 2006
Grits: An Intimate Portrait of the Liberal Party By Christina McCall-Newman Finished, 17 March 2006
Running the World: The Inside Story of the National Security Council and the Architechts of American Power by David Rothkopf Finished, 6 April 2006
Strategery: How George W. Bush is Defeating Terrorists, Outwitting Democrats and Confounding the Mainstream Media By Bill Sammon Finished, May 10, 2006
George Wallace: American Populist By Stephan Lesher Finished, June 15, 2006
Secrets of the Kingdom: The Inside Story of the Saudi - U.S Connection By Gerald Posner Finished, June 20, 2006
Soldiers of God: With Islamic Warriors in Afghanistan and Pakistan By Robert D. Kaplan Finished, June 27, 2006
Before the Storm: Barry Goldwater and the Unmaking of the American Consensus By Rick Perlstien Finished, July 4, 2006
Flawed Giant: Lyndon Johnson And His Times 1961-1973 By Robert Dallek Finished, August 10, 2006
Bush's Brain: How Karl Rove Made George W. Bush Presidential By James Moore and Wayne Slater Finished, October 7, 2006
The Fall Of Baghdad By Jon Lee Anderson Finished, October 31, 2006
The Way It Works: Inside Ottawa By Eddie Goldenberg Finished, November 12, 2006
Child Of God By Cormac McCarthy Finished, November 18, 2006
Right Side Up: The Fall Of Paul Martin And The Rise Of Stephen Harper's New Conservatism By Paul Wells Finished, December 8, 2006
The Private Life Of Chairman Mao By Dr. Li Zhisui, Translation By Tai Hung Chao Finished, December 14, 2006
Exile On Main Street: A Season In Hell With The Rolling Stones By: Robert Greenfeild Finished, February 21, 2007
"Work Hard, Study ... And Keep Out Of Politics!" Adventures And Lessons From An Unexpected Public Life By: James A. Baker, III with Steve Fiffer Finished, March 7, 2007
Supreme Conflict: The Inside Story Of The Struggle For Control Of The United States Supreme Court By Jan Crawford Greenburg Finished, March 14, 2007
Imperial Life In The Emerald City: Life Inside Iraq's Green Zone By: Rajiv Chandransekaran Finished March 18, 2007
Memories Of My Melancholy Whores By: Gabriel Garcia Marquez Finished, March 21, 2007
Guests Of The Ayatollah: The First Battle In America's War With Militant Islam By: Mark Bowden Finished, April 4, 2007
Screwjack By: Hunter S. Thompson Finished, April 19, 2007
State Of Denial: Bush At War, Part III By: Bob Woodward Finished, April 22, 2007
31 Days: Gerald Ford, The Nixon Pardon, And A Government In Crisis By: Barry Werth Finished, May 6, 2007
At The Center Of The Storm: My Years At The CIA By: George Tenent with Bill Harlow Finished, May 28, 2007
No Excuses: Concessions of a Serial Campaigner By: Robert Shrum Finished: July 1, 2007
Chief of Staff: Lyndon Johnson and His Presidency By: W. Marvin Watson with Sherwin Markmarn Finished: July 12, 2007
Nixon and Kissinger: Partners in Power By: Robert Dalleck Finished: July 17, 2007
1912: Wilson, Roosevelt, Taft & Debs - The Election That Changed The Country By: James Chace Finished: August 5, 2007
Becoming Justice Blackmun: Harry Blackmun's Supreme Court Journey By: Linda Greenhouse Finished: August 20, 2007
President Reagan: The Triumph of Imagination By: Richard Reeves Finished: September 20, 2007
Dead Certain: The Presidency of George W. Bush By: Robert Draper Finished: October 1, 2007
Harper's Team: Behind the Scenes in the Conservative Rise to Power By: Tom Flanagan Finished: October 9, 2007
Full Circle: Death and Resurrection in Canadian Conservative Politics By: Bob Plamondon Finished: October 17, 2007
My Years As Prime Minister By: Jean Chretien Finished: October 23, 2007
The Thumpin': How Rahm Emanuel and the Democrats Learned to Be Ruthless and Ended the Republican Revolution By: Naftali Bendavid Finished: October 25, 2007
Not A Suicide Pact: The Constitution in a Time of National Emergency By: Richard A. Posner Finished, October 29, 2007
Slash By: Slash and Anthony Bozza Finished: November 1, 2007
The Heroin Diaries: A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star By: Nikki Sixx and Ian Gittin Finished: November 2, 2007
Clapton: The Autobiography By: Eric Clapton Finished: November 5, 2007
Rise of the Vulcans: The History of Bush's War Cabinet By: James Mann Finished: November 13, 2007
Miami and the Siege of Chicago: An Informal History of the American Political Conventions of 1968 By: Norman Mailer Finished: November 15, 2007
Memoirs: 1939-1993 By: Brian Mulroney Finished: December 3,2007
Peace Kills: America's Fun New Imperalism By: P.J O'Rourke Finished: December 4, 2007
The Looming Tower: Al-Qaeda and the Road to 9/11 By: Lawrence Wright Finished: December 11, 2007
The One Percent Doctrine: Deep Inside America's Pursuit of Its Enemies Since 9/11 By: Ron Suskind Finished: December 19, 2007
Cheney: The Untold Story of America's Most Powerful and Controversial Vice President By: Stephen F. Hayes Finished: December 25, 2007
When Trumpets Call: Theodore Roosevelt After the White House By: Patricia O'Toole Finished: January 1, 2008
America's First Dynasty: The Adamses, 1735-1918 By: Richard Brookhiser Finished:January 7, 2008
The Road By: Cormac McCarthy Finished: January 9, 2008
The Conviction of Richard Nixon: The Untold Story of the Frost/Nixon Interviews By: James Reston, Jr. Finished" January 11, 2008
Write It When I'm Gone: Remarkable Off-the-Record Conversations with Gerald R. Ford By: Thomas M. DeFrank Finished: January 15, 2008
The Bush Tragedy By: Jacob Weisberg Finished: January 18, 2008
When All You Have Is Hope By: Frank O'Dea with John Lawrence Reynolds Finished: January 21, 2008
Confessions of a Political Hitman: My Secret Life of Scandal, Corruption, Hypocrisy and Dirty Tricks That Decide Who Gets Elected (and Who Doesn't) By: Stephen Marks Finished: February 8, 2008
The Nine: Inside the Secret World of the Supreme Court By: Jeffery Toobin Finished, February 18, 2008
The Architect: Karl Rove and the Dream of Absolute Power By: James Moore and Wayne Slater Finished, February 21, 2008
Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln By: Doris Kerns Goodwin Finished, February 26, 2008
Post Office By: Charles Bukowski Finished: March 6, 2008
Factotum By: Charles Bukowski Finished: March 7, 2008
Women By: Charles Bukowski Finished: March 10, 2008
Queer By: William S. Burroughs Finished: March 12, 2008
To Live's To Fly: The Ballad of the Late, Great Townes Van Zant By: John Kruth Finished: March 17, 2008
Twenty Thousand Roads: The Ballad of Gram Parsons and His Cosmic American Music By: David N. Meyer Finished: March 24, 2008
W.A.R: The Unauthorized Biography of William Axl Rose By: Mick Wall Finished: April 4, 2008
Deception: Pakistan, the United States, and the Secret Trade in Nuclear Weapons By: Adrian Levy & Catherine Scott-Clark Finished: April 21, 2008
The Assassins' Gate: America in Iraq By: George Packer Finished: May 5, 2008
Worse than Watergate: The Secret Presidency of George W. Bush By: John W. Dean Finished: May 7, 2008
Clinton in Exile: A President Out of the White House By: Carol Felenthal Finished: May 12, 2008
Nixonland: The Rise of a President and the Fracturing of America By: Rick Perlstein Finished: June 2, 2008
Infidel By: Ayaan Hirsi Ali Finished: June 11, 2008
The People's Machine: Arnold Schwarzenegger and the Rise of Blockbuster Democracy By: Joe Mathews Finished: June 20, 2008
The Strong Man: John Mitchell and the Secrets of Watergate By: James Rosen Finished: June 30, 2008
American Spy: My Secret History in the CIA, Watergate & Beyond By: E. Howard Hunt w/ Greg Aunuapu Finished: July 4, 2008
Legacy of Ashes: The History of the CIA By: Tim Weiner Finished: July 16, 2008
The Prosecution of George W. Bush for Murder By: Vincent Bugliosi Finished: July 21, 2008
War by Other Means: An Insider's Account of the War on Terror By: John Yoo Finished: July 25, 2008
Your Government Failed You: Breaking the Cycle of National Security Disasters By: Richard A. Clarke Finished: July 31, 2008
The Persian Puzzle: The Conflict Between Iran and America By: Kenneth M. Pollack Finished: August 13, 2008
The Human Factor: Inside the CIA's Dysfunctional Intelligence Culture By: Ishmael Jones Finished: August 19, 2008
Havana Nocturne: How the Mob Owned Cuba ... And Then Lost It to the Revolution By: T.J Enjlish Finished: August 25, 2008
Descent into Chaos: The United States and the Failure of Nation Building in Pakistan, Afghanistan and Central Asia By: Ahmed Rashid Finished: Sepember 9, 2008
The Case Against the General: Manuel Noriega and the Politics of American Justice By: Steve Albert Finished: September 25, 2008
Condolezza Rice: An American Life By: Elisabeth Bumiller Finished: October 10, 2008
Presidential Courage: Brave Leaders and How They Changed America, 1789-1989 Michael Beschloss Finished: October 13, 2008
What People Are Saying About skippy
"hands down, Canada's most underrated blog" Damian Penny, The Undisputed Dean of Canadian Political Bloggers. Posted at Daimnation , Saturday October 21, 2006
"You can count on “Skippy” to make you think in different ways about familiar issues. You can also depend on him to be rude, offensive, and outrageous – if you're offended by completely uninhibited sexual imagery (and imagination!), don't read Skippy – but your prudery will keep you from an often interesting perspective." Posted On: Jamulblog, July 12, 2007
"Your Maximum Leader is beginning to think that the less he posts, the better Skippy’s political posts are. Indeed, your Maximum Leader even thought (just a few short moments ago) that if your Maximum Leader just stopped blogging all together would Skippy just keep on writing enough good material for two blogs? (Admittedly one of those blogs would be an X-rated social commentary/diary site and the second a remarkably well-informed and insightful political commentary site…)" Posted On: Naked Villainy, September 18, 2007
"I love your writing. few could pull off sarcastic humor and self-loathing like you do. You've turned self-disgust
into an art form." Posted By:Ophelia July 19, 2003
"hahaha um, not funny" Posted By: Ophelia July 17, 2003
"This is not fucking funny." Posted By: Bee August 21, 2003
"I join Bee in saying that this isn''t funny AT ALL. jesus christ, Skippy." Posted By: Ophelia August 23,
2003
"You are obiviously being kept down by the Mud People." Posted By: DrReverend August 21, 2003
"I''ll give you $50.00 if you kill yourself." Posted By: DrReverend August 19, 2003
"Last time I read this blog." Posted By: Dave, October 24, 2003
"I think you should stop talking about killing yourself and ACTUALLY kill yourself. For fuck's sake, everybody is
tired of hearing about how you might, just do it or face the fact that you are too pathetic to even kill yourself."
Posted By: A Caring Guy, October 25, 2003
"If Joey Ramone were alive today he'd probably shit in your mouth." Posted By: DrReverend November 11,
"When you're good, you're good. When you're bad, you're even better. See you in hell." Posted By: Anna
November 11, 2003
"Skippy, if you can prove to me that giving head and swallowing will without a doubt keep lung cancer and heart
disease at bay, you've earned yourself a BJ." Posted By: Mary Magdalicious, December 5, 2003
"Wow...you know nothing about politics." Posted Dr. Reverend, December 26, 2003
"You are a dick and should think seriously about killing your stupid blog - go get a job, you big fag"Posted
By: Princess Paragonian, December 29, 2003
"You have a, how shall i say.... appealing 'tough', yet gently gay look." (Univited PM) Posted
by:Jus20012002, January 2, 2004 .
"I hope jesus doesn't kick you in the nuts."Posted By: Mary Magdalicious February 2, 2004
"Stumbled on to your blog by accident and i must say alot of the stuff had me in stitches. Love it" Posted
By:Jeremy February 4, 2004
" .....sick."Posted By: Bee February 7, 2004
"Hey Skippy, you ever consider running for public office in the states? I know some people in the West Virginia state
government and our Senator can't live forever.Hell, even Strom, Thomas-Jefferson-Fan, Thurmond died
eventually.Posted By: Ford W. Mavrick, February 9, 2004
Wow, for someone who is so opinionated, you really don't know shit about American or Canadian culture. You appear to
know even less about history." Posted By: Dr. Reverend February 13, 2004
"Your blog's the best I have come across in a long time. I may not agree with all you say but the verve with which
you say it and the humour and irreverance is terrific. These days when the media just reproduces the handout from central
control, blogs like yours do a great deal to form informed opinion in a democratic society. Thanks. Keep it up."
Posted By:Anandan February 13, 2004
"SKIPPY pities ME? Where's my noose?" Posted By: Kilgore Trout March 22, 2004
"Jesus Skippy. Now Allah is going to kick you in the nuts" Posted By: Mary Magdalicious March 22, 2004
"I could make one that says "Skippy has a small penis" although his cock is superb. Posted By: Bestest Pussy March 23,2004
"Cunt sucking is for bitches.You're considered one of the girls because you dress like one. Posted By: Dr. Reverend March 24, 2004
"John Malkovich is one sexy bastard. I have such a thing for him. And I never realized til now, Skippy, how much you resemble John Malkovich...this, by default, makes you also one sexy bastard. See how that works?" Posted By: Zombie March, 26, 2004
"Too bad you live up north. It could have been beautiful.
Ever since I started coming here and saw your pic I wondered why you weren't getting more action. You are not a bad looking guy at all.
Maybe the girls are just...well, that's enough kindness for one day." Posted By: Serenity March 26, 2004
"Hell, if they make gay marriage legal, I'll marry you..." Posted By: Outpatient March 26, 2004
"You look creepier than the REM faggot. But he looks much more like a homersexual." Posted By: Dr. Reverend March 27, 2004
"Skippy, your hits will go up again if you post pictures of your man nipples. Lots of man nips." Posted By: Mary Magdalicious April 15, 2004
"What the fuck? You turning faggot? Posted By: Dr. Reverend April 16, 2004
"Sometimes it gets to be just a little too much. Sharing, that is." Posted By: Bee May 23, 2004
"I'll give you $5.00 if you make the fucking font you use on your blog bigger.
I'll give you $50.00 if you stop fucking writing about American politics.
I'll give you $500.00 if you fucking kill youself." Posted By: Dr. Reverend May 26, 2004
"Of course women like jerks.
Why the fuck do you think they like me?
I guess you've learned nothing from me over all these years." Posted By: Dr. Reverend May 29, 2004
"Sometimes a bitch just has to die." Posted By: Ford W. Maverick May 29, 2004
"It looks like we have more in common than the swastikas carved in our foreheads."Posted By: Dr. Reverend May 29, 2004
"This might be a shallow and 'Waiting-for-Godot-like' comment but...you seem to have not only brains but also beauty." Posted By: Nietzscheswife June 7, 2004
"Skippy, you are such a twisted bastard. Seriously. Why haven't we had sex yet?"Posted By: 0phelia June 25, 2004
"Just found your site. I find some of the things you say quite disgusting. And really quite enjoyable,so keep up the good work."Posted By: Big Al June 28, 2004
"I've read most of your blog. I'd say that so far it's the best I've come across, and believe me, I've seen a few. It's funny, well written (except for the spelling...) and interesting. There will always be those few idiots who just don't get it. It's useless to get worked up about it." Posted By: Johnny June 30, 2004
"Skippy... Go for the facial tattoo. I dig em', and fuck what those other bitches think. You can always bite their tits off if they back talk you." Posted By: Mary Magdalicious July 1, 2004
"Go fuck yourself up your butt." Posted By: Reek Stankleberry July 6, 2004
"Well if ass-fucking won't keep Satan away, I just don't know what will." Posted By: Dr. Reverend July 7, 2004
"dude, you're killing me. keep it up." Posted By: Son of Nixon July 22, 2004
"Are you always either naked or in a suit?" Posted By: Rehella July 22, 2004
"That person should speak for himself or herself. 'Cause you really are that much of a cunt, skippy." Posted By: Kilgore Trout August 4, 2004
"I've read you for a long time but have never commented before. That isn't a slight to your great writing ability, it's mainly because I don't want to be seen here!" Posted By: Paul August 4, 2004
" Dead on. Bulls-eye. I take back what I said about you being a cunt. For now." Posted By: Kilgore Trout August 4, 2004
"Know what, Skippy? You're alright." Posted By: Anna August 18, 2004
"Excellent work. Damn you for being so dead on." Posted By: The Maximum Leader August 24, 2004
"Skippy, fuck the puppy idea. Try getting a monkey that smokes. That will get you laid." Posted By: Mary Magdalicious August 27, 2004
"As to the beard - I like the clean shaven better - and what's wrong with a bald head? Bald heads are hot on some guys - unfortunately most can't pull it off * sigh * You look like you can pull it off though and that's a good thing - not a bad.
BTW, love your blog. I saw it in my referrers and thought it was just a random hit. Then I started reading and found you to be hilarious - it was only after about 10 posts that I noticed you linked me. I was more than flattered - linked by someone I was about to link anyway - awesome. Thanks" Posted By: Kinky August 27, 2004
"Fuckin' Goy bastard." Posted By: Dr Reverend December 19,2004
"Who does a guy have to sleep with to get one of his Skippy quotes pasted to the sidebar?
Great googly-moogly." Posted By: Smallholder December 20, 2004
"Are you a child molester or what's the story?" Posted By: Fukinator, December 28, 2004
"Sick dude." Posted By: DCayer December 29, 2004
"You officially suck." Posted By: Sorry, January 22, 2005
"I heart you, Skippy" Posted By: Karinsky, January 25, 2005
"As I've stated before, you were quite skilled in bed and I had no need to fake any of my multiple orgasms." Posted By: 0phelia, June 30, 2005
"I love Skippy. I swear I do. The only blogger more twisted than me." Posted on: Velociworld, July 26, 2005
" You are so fucking ignorant about America. And while the American people ARE stupid, so are you." Posted By: Bill Lassiter, August 2, 2005
"How can you not love a man who hates himself so viciously?" Posted on: It's All About De , August 31, 2005
"If I wasn't positive that all Canadian men had tiny penises, I'd be all over that Skippy." Posted On: It's All About De
"I've seen pictures of you and I'd say you're fuckable." Posted By: Joan, September 29, 2005
" I love your posts on Canadian politics even more than I love your posts on porn.
And I love your porn posts.
Why the hell do you waste all this talent on the internet? Write a book or something, goddammit! Posted By: Cliff S., November 17, 2005
"Let it never be said that underneath your self-cavilling, bitter (yet strangely egomaniacal) surface that you never take the time to give the people what they want. Even if it's just one people. Gawd bless you, Skippy! Posted By: Locke, November 18, 2005
"Wow! I don't know that I've ever been flattered and yet somewhat revolted at the same time... It's an interesting sensation." Posted By: Dewey in Toronto, December 1, 2005
"Very often, debating you is like playing whack a mole: You pop up some premised assertion moles, I pull out my mallet and start whacking, then you pop up more premised assertion moles - which are mostly or completely unrelated to the original moles I was whacking at. Your stock of moles seemingly stretches into infinity. And yet, an endless supply of moles does not equate to cogent argument.
Very often, debating you is like speaking to a salesman who will not answer a particular direct question, and instead flies off on the flight of rhetorical splendor known as "baffling them with bullshit." I'm impressed with your rhetorical skills, and your IQ, and your accumulation of knowledge. I'm impressed that I'm the American citizen, yet you might have a more thorough knowledge of the American Constitution than I. And yet, these impressive things are not substitutes for cogent argument."Posted By; gcotharn, December 21, 2005
"Besides, you seem to think you're the least respectable person I know. While you're often right, you're wrong on that count. Careful, I might out YOU as a nice guy. Or something." Posted By: Dewey In Toronto, December 27, 2005
"I've been to Toronto. The most dangerous thing I saw there was an 11 foot tall red head with shaved balls."Posted By: Judy, December 31, 2005
"There was this "Caught on Tape!" video I watched back in my highschool days where one of the scenes shows two people starting to cross the railroad tracks. One looks up at the last minute and sees the train, the other does not. In the commercial, it cuts away just before the train does its thing, but the video...
Your blog is like a twisted version of the video. We know the train is going liquify you in shocking gory fashion, but that's why we keep coming back. It's so much more fun that we both know the train is coming and you still gleefully walk into its path...and we love you all the more for it." Posted By:Locke, January 13, 2006
"Fuck. I'm hooked." Posted By: DeAnna, January 14, 2006
"Your Maximum Leader has found Skippy's commentary more insightful and interesting than anyone elses. So now he supposes that Skippy will go back to writing about porn and strippers he meets in the subway." Posted By: The Maximum Leader on Naked Villainy January 24, 2006
"Slightly crazed is fine, but with the beard you look like a total nutjob. If you ever hope to get laid again, for fuck's sake, Skippy, NEVER, EVER grow a saddam beard. You're welcome."Posted By: The Lady O, 28 January, 2006
"Maybe we should get married. My readers could support us by purchasing my worn panties and you could be the panty pimp." Posted By; Joan 28 January 2006
" I know it must be hard for you...being objectified by women all the time. But come on, how can they really help themselves? Have you seen yourself lately? Your pheramones preceed you into a room (as does your crotch). Don't blame it all on them...you did choose to leave your house. :D" Posted By: Joan, 3 February, 2006
"Skippy, you sarcastic twerp." Posted By: Arwen, 8 February 2006
"Just so you know.. if I had to choose between Moussaoui or Skippy.. You'd win. Even if I know what an asshole you are. Posted By; Judy, 13 February 2006
"I'd be willing to sign a legal document stating that is IS ok, in fact, to masturbate whilst thinking of me." Posted By: DeAnna (Who seems unaware of my reputation as an outlaw) February 24, 2006
"Feel free to masturbate while thinking of me...actually, do you need some of my panties to help you with that?" Posted By: Joan, February 24, 2006
"I blame myself for this. I have been too lenient with you. Your Godless behaviour must come to an end. You will receive a severe beating this weekend and I am contemplating removing your testicles." Posted By: Dr. Reverend, February 24, 2006
"Just remember skippy, the US never threw a fit when you smuggled your own personal WMD over the border twice a year. After all, it wasn't like you were hiding in your pants or anything.
All's fair in love and war, so to speak." Posted By: Judy, April 4, 2006
"Wow...nothing hotter than a man willing to issue fatwas for pussy." Posted By: Joan, April 16, 2006
"You sir, are a brilliant writer." Posted By: Judy, May 4, 2006
"I think I'm falling in love." Posted By: DeAnna, May 11, 2006
"THIS IS THE MOST DIABOLICAL FALSITY YOU HAVE EVER ENGAGED IN!!!!
I was intending to kick you in the face upon our next meeting, but now it's obvious that I must douse your scrotum in kerosene and set your testicles aflame. Alas, it is the only way you will learn." Posted By: Dr. Reverend, May 12, 2006
"And i would like to commend you on some excellent blogging. This particular story would normally warrant a few cryptically humorous lines and a link. To an ordinary blogger. But you managed to wring an essay of New Yorker-esque proportions out of it. That takes talent. Your beautiful young friend is right. I see big things for you in the future." Posted By: Annika, June 4, 2006
" I like a man who will unabashedly tell someone his penis size because hes unashamed. Thats hot.
*raises hand* I'll take that 6.5, thank ya" Posted By: Kinky, June 6, 2006
"Elvis, like skippy, is the very definition of rock and roll. Posted By: Rube, June 10, 2006
" I'm beginning to think you're the only good man left in the world, skippy. WTF?" Posted By: By: DeAnns, June 11, 2006
"Just so everyone knows.
Skippy does indeed, taste like bacon.
And, any guy who doesn't know cum tastes good to real women, is clueless." Posted By: Judy, July 2, 2006
"There was a British columnist whose work was described as 'a suicide note in weekly installments.'
This blog is sort of like that." Posted By: Gadfly, July 6, 2006
"Jeez, Skippy. Sometimes I really hate coming here." Posted By: Cynlee, July 18, 2006
"Someone needs to throttle you with a riding crop...truly!" Posted By: Joan, July 18, 2006
"Holy mother of god. I just had an orgasm. It's official: I'm devoting the rest of my life to you, skippy." Posted By: DeAnna, July 19, 2006
"Skippy, sometimes I'm not quite sure of your sanity, but you are without a doubt the baddest morning news reading, quiz show hosting, talent introducing PIMP in the motherfuckin' blogosphere." Posted By: Shank, July 19, 2006
