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Sunday, August 31, 2003
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ANOTHER CHAOS IN MOTION UPDATE
Okay, I think a grand total of six people read this site. My last one had a pretty good run, but this one is new. I don't come to any of you pretending to be a great writer. I have a few funny stories sometimes, but in terms of writing, I have no pretentions.
I do, however, know some great writers. You can read them at Chaos in Motion. These people are really good! I'm currently reading this week's update and I'm continually amazed that I ended up surrounded by people this talented. I suck, this is no real secret to anyone who reads this blog or the last one. Am I cute? Yes. Am I sometimes funny? Yes. Am I writer? No.
My colleagues at CIM are writers. Damned fine ones at that.
I'll link the individual pieces one by one. They are that good.
Watch Zombie tell us why we all suck. It's as funny as it is educational.
Read how Fanged Buffalo, a guy from St. Louis, hates Americans. Note to Fanged: If you love the fucking French so much, try sharing a country with them.
You can read about Green losing his virginity or Ophelia's prom. Both very touching pieces.
You can read about Caligula V's adventures with your obnoxious little pets. This is funny.
And then there's Mary. Every time I read her latest submission I ask myself, can she get better? And she does. Each time out. She's spectacular. Cosmetology isn't her vocation, writing is. If I can someday be half as good as Mary and Zombie are, I'll be one thrilled boy. Anyhow, you can read Mary's newest articles here and here.
Enough of me though. Read these people's writing.You'll be glad that you did.
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SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL SHERRIFF
God, I love reading the news. It's so full of stuff I don't know, like this. For those of you who read my post first then click the links later, the headline reads "Cops find murder hard to prevent."
This article is downright fascinating. There is much within it to explore, which I will. Point by point. And I'll be funny, too. Cops are famously unfunny. Ask Rodney King.
-"Cops know a fair amount about preventing most kinds of crime. The appearance of a squad car can scatter street-level drug dealers. Computer programs spot crime patterns. Lighting, alarm systems and Neighborhood Watch programs can cut burglaries."
Cool, cops knowing a "fair bit" about preventing crime is comforting to hear. It is, after all their job. Cashiers know a "fair bit" about cash registers, too. I understand that prostitutes know a "fair bit" about blowjobs as well.
"Murder is another story." Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good.
-"Atlanta homicides are up 23 percent so far this year, compared with the same period last year, a Police Department spokesman said.
Cutting those numbers isn't simple, in part because most homicide victims knew their killer."
Yes, killing strangers is rude. It's always nice that, if you absolutely MUST take a human life, that you have a pretty darn good reason for doing it. Otherwise, you'll be viewed as "creepy". I can't tell you how hard it is to get laid when viewed this way.
-"What are police -- or anybody else -- supposed to do about the urge to kill?"
I dunno, stop it? Like you did with the "urge" to steal cars or break into houses. I'm so helpful.
-"It is that 30 seconds of rage, it is that uncontrollable anger," said University of Georgia sociology professor Dean Rojek, who has studied 30 years of Atlanta homicide reports. Often, he said, the rage "is fueled by alcohol, cocaine. . . . It's touching what we call that raw nerve. So there are layers to homicide that you don't have in many more offenses."
Angry people get violent? Wow! And are you trying to tell me that angry drunks on cocaine are especially violent? Thank God for sociology! Without Professor Rojeck spending 30 YEARS on this, I never would've known. I told you the news is full of cool stuff!
-"More than three-quarters of murder victims knew their attackers, according to 2001 FBI figures for cases in which the relationship of victim and attacker were known. A study of 10 years of DeKalb County homicides found an almost identical proportion.
DeKalb District Attorney J. Tom Morgan said he is frustrated with just prosecuting murderers after the crime, but doesn't see public support for paying to implement the sweeping conclusions of his report, issued in June. "Crime prevention begins with the infant and must continue all the way through adolescence," the report said.
Poor children, abused or neglected children, children who fall behind in school are most likely to be tomorrow's defendants, he wrote."
There's a lot here to have fun with. I'll try to succinct. I'm so considerate.
Don't get me wrong, I can sympatize. I'd be frustrated with prosecuting crimes after they occur, too. Let's start with prosecuting them BEFORE they occur. It sounds sensible. And if the problem starts with children, let's lock the little bastards up NOW! Stop them before they kill the first time.
And I never would've known that fucked up murdering swine had bad childhoods. Again, thank God there are professionals who spend decades studying such things.
-"Rojek said even in Atlanta and other cities with higher murder rates, people who live in neighborhoods far from poverty are at very low risk."
Yeah? I bet Nicole Brown Simpson and Bonnie Lee Blakey would beg to differ.
-""Alcohol is by far the most dangerous substance we have in America. . . . It greases the skids for a lot of things you normally wouldn't do," he said.
The message should be, "Lock up that gun, think twice when you reach for that second can of beer."
I beg to differ that alcohol is more dangerous than knives of guns. In fact alcohol is what keeps me from killing most of you. I get very uncoordinated when I'm hammered.
And "that second can of beer"? I drink a case a day and I've never killed anyone. If all it takes is two beers then most killers are pussies! Fuck them. I'll bet the drink light beer, too.
- "The relatively new science of computerized crime analysis offers some guidance on how to spot potentially lethal domestic problems. Women who have been choked previously and those who had confronted their abuser with their plan to move out are more likely to die, according to sociologist Carolyn Rebecca Block. She oversees the "Chicago Homicide Dataset," a huge database of information on more than 35 years' worth of murders in Chicago."
I can see why it would take a fucking Cray supercomputer to figure out that if your husband chokes you that no good can come of it. Where would we be without academia and technology?
-"Block said a great deal of detail is necessary to predict and prevent other kinds of murder. For instance, the Chicago data on robberies near transit stops that end in homicides found they happened 1 1/2 blocks from the stop -- just far enough to be out of sight of those waiting at the stop. Knowing this gives police better information to plan surveillance, she said."
People don't kill people in front of a big crowd of witnesses? This IS significant data!
-"Spreading that attitude -- and the awareness of the dangers of guns and alcohol as Rojek advocates -- might cut the biggest category of murders"
If you plan on outlawing guns and alcohol you may as well outlaw everything south of Delaware. The South must not be allowed to rise again. For the children, Goddammit!
And finally, as most empty-headed articles must, we end with this helpful advice:
-"Society is going to have to face up to the time and money it takes to do that, Morgan said. And if that sounds like turning George Orwell's "Big Brother" into Big Parent, so be it, he said.
"Big Brother should be raising some of these children," he said. "I've been here [as a prosecutor] 22 years, and I'm telling you there are many children who would be better off -- and alive -- if they were taken out of the environment in which they were born."
We can't stop all the mayhem with all of the fucking freedom getting in the way! When will you people learn?
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I'M ALL ABOUT UPDATES
Some of you might remember a post I put up yesterday about a "misunderstanding" I'm having with someone I have some kind of undefined relationship with. Well, I got an e-mail this morning and she would like you all to know three things.
1) Her post wasn't about me. It was about another "fucked up" cat who breaks her heart, makes her jealous and likes whores. Go figure.
2)I suck for responding to a post she took down (which she hadn't when I responded). Also, go figure.
3) I'm a hypocrite.
In closing, I'd like to suggest to the person that wrote that original post that she re-read it and consider how any rational person would read it. I've never claimed to be particularly skilled at anything and I'll be honest, clairvoiance and "creative reading" are very high on the list of " Things MJ Is No Good At". Actually, they come right behind calculus and knitting on that list.
She wanted all of you to know those things listed above. Now you do.
I apologise for any confusion.
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IN THE REALM OF THE GAIMAN FAN
I know, I shouldn't obsess over this but I don't get out much and the external stimuli has given me much to write about. Besides, if the last post got too big, Blogger wouldn't post it then I'd get pissed off and throw my monitor into the wall. Then NO posts. About anything.
But I don't think I got as detailed as I need to about the people at this signing. So I will take this opportunity to.
There was a really fat guy with with a tiny mohawk. I always thought the huge mohawk had something of a slimming effect but what do I know?
There was an overweight girl, no less than about 180 wearing a long, black, heavy overcoat opened to reveal a spandex top about three sizes to small for her. The neckline looked like it was litterally CUTTING into her tits. The clevage spilled over the neckline, which I couldn't help but look at. It was like a car accident, I couldn't stop looking. And I was obvious about it, too. I was hoping she'd say something like, "do you mind?" to which I'd reply, "Hey Sweetheart, I don't remember getting a fucking VOTE whether I look or not! Either put those fucking things away or shut up, okay? Thank you."
I'm all about diplomacy. I'm the Kissinger of Cans.
Then there were the guys in front of me. Wow! One of these guys was quiet. But his fucking ears did all the talking. This guy had what I suppose can be called earrings, but they weren't. It looked like he had carved a HUGE hole in his earlobe and then held it open with a washer or something. I could see right THROUGH this guy's ear! I could see his fucking neck! It was douche chills for five hours. Oh, those weren't his only ear piecings. He had these bolts that entered and exited through the top of the ear, then re-entered and exited at about a 45 degree angle. I can only hope this guy has discovered the "artistic potential" of his own genitals. I'd love to hear that inner dialouge. "You know, I have a beautiful cock! But I know I can make it better! Here's what I'll do......drive a steel rod right through the middle of the shaft." Because, without Theyledomyde readily available anymore where will the freak babies of the 21st century come from? Lead poisoning, I suppose.
He also had a half coloured tattoo on his arm that read "You can't roll 7's all your life." Okay, this I can relate to. I've often thought of mangling the third verse of "Tumbling Dice" by the Rolling Stones and putting it on my arm. The difference is, I DIDN'T! I looked at this guy and realised what a guy who sits down and complies a list of "ways I can look like a douche when I'm 50" looks like. You'll see him someday, too. Just watch "Cops" regularly. You can't miss the tattoo. Or the ears. I was going to recommend that the guy get a "smiley-waving" Yahoo emote tattooed on his neck right behind the giant holes in his earlobe but I thought better of it. I was outnumbered 1,500 to one. I'm a pussy sometimes, I know.
Then there was his buddy. This guy, Eric, had a shaved head and one of those long, thin chin beards like the guy in Queens of the Stone Age. This guy talked. Constantly. I learned more about this guy in 5 hours than I've learned about MYSELF in 33 YEARS! Consequently, I hated this guy more than I hate myself.
I learned everything about this guy and his views on everything without him ever talking directly to me. I was afraid he was going to start, but I think he feared the size of my Caro biography of Lyndon Johnson. He only had two Gaiman trade parebacks while I had a 1,200 page hardcover by serious historian. The sheer weight of my book would crush him like a fucking bug! He was right to fear me and everything I stand for. But he was bearable until his "cousin" showed up.
Eric was 27, he wouldn't stop advertisizing that. His cousin was in her mid-forties. Is this even possible? Doesn't matter. She was a highly fuckable mid-forties; nice face, sort of blonde hair, nice B cup breasts and an ass that just....spoke to me. In a secret language that only I can understand. It said things to me, but I won't tell you what they are. Some things should stay private. I mean I wouldn't have a public fight with my girlfriend on this blog, right......Okay, bad example.
Any thought I had of these two not being related was immediately dispelled when these two started talking. It was
amazing how these two could yenta. For two hours, I listened to this. The "blonde's" 17 year old daughter was amazed by these two. Oh, and humiliated, too. I'm all about empathy. Empathy and diplomacy. Maybe I'm not Kissinger, maybe I'm Ghandhi!
The most annoying part of all was when we landed at the feet of Gaiman, the yenta cousins got out of the line. They weren't there to meet Gaiman or get anything signed, they were keeping their friends/daughters comapany! And making my life hell, we can't forget that.
And that's when I felt a deep, unending sadness for Gaiman.
I've had to deal with his fans for one day in 33 years. He gets them for the rest of his life.
But he'll never have to spend five hours with them.
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Saturday, August 30, 2003
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Actually, don't bother clicking the link. She took the post down.
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I REALLY HATE FIGHTING IN PUBLIC
I have a little routine that I've developed over the last few months. I wake up, rub one out and then come online and read through the morning newspapers and blogs that I find interesting or those of friends. It comforts me. I know, it's a simple life. This morning was no different. Well, there was a twist.
As some of you know, I've been in a relationship for the last five years. I've made no secret of it though I don't often discuss it in public. That relationship was put under strain by something that I did recently. Some of you know what that is, and to those that don't, I won't discuss it as it infringes on other people's privacy and I refuse to do that. I will say that what I did was wrong, deeply wrong and I accept complete responsibility for it. I will say that I spoke with everyone concerned, admitted what I did and accepted responsibility for it. I never lied to anyone.
After this was done, we agreed to separately reflect on the state of what I had done among other strains that were previously undermining that relationship. I thought it had been addressed. Privately.
Apparently, I was mistaken.
As I went through my blogs of interest, I came across my girlfriend's. She doesn't specifically name me, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that her missive of yesterday was addressed to me. She has decided that she wants to have this discussion in public. I would prefer that wasn't the case but I wasn't given a vote. You can read what she had to say here and then I'll respond as if I was speaking to her privately, which is what I would prefer.
Everybody caught up? Good.
Firstly, what we both seem to want is an issue that I'm particularly interested in. We both know what you want and that I can't realistically provide that. We've discussed that several times over the last couple of years. To imply that I want "more from you than I'm willing to give" is wrong and you should know that. If you believe that this "is a waste of time and effort" it seems clear to me what you need to do. You refer to games and I'm not sure how to respond to that. I've never been less than honest with you and I'm done with sly accusations that I'm not.
As to your allegation that "men want whores", it's untrue and an attempt at name-calling. Your problem is with me, Not anyone else. So concentrate the name-calling on me if you absolutely must resort to that. Okay? Thanks. You also are rather forceful in stating that I attempted to make you jealous. We've addressed that in private and since you refuse to believe what I've said I won't address it again. Ever.
In regards to what you think my reaction is to our recent situation, you continue to either misunderstand or misrepresent what that was. I'm not particularly interested in which. But I'll again, for the last time, address it. No one hurt me. I tried to resolve the situation as honourably as I could with everyone involved. I do regret that the situation played out like it did and I'm deeply sorry that anyone was hurt. But you can't or won't understand that. You'd rather simplify a complicated situation so you can reduce it to something you can be easily angry about. Fine, be angry. You're good at it.
Apparently, you have learned quite a bit about me in the last year. I'm sorry that so little of it can be positive. But if I'm such a selfish guy then what you need to do seems clear. I've tried responding to your concerns repeatedly and then you think or perhaps talk to a third party and come to me with yet more angry allegations. I'm through with that. I couldn't be more tired of your assuming the absolute worst about me before even speaking to me. That ends here and now.
And so far as your showerhead and razor go, enjoy them, Angel.
I wish we could've taken some time to reflect and discuss this privately. If things between us had to work out this way, we could've done it like adults and maintained some kind of a relationship. But you couldn't or wouldn't let that happen. I regret that more than anything else in this mess.
I've never had a bad word to say about you publicly or privately. I don't intend to start now. I couldn't be more sincere in wishing you and your family all of the happiness you deserve. You are among the strongest and most compassionate women I've ever met. But I'm tired of being your personal bad guy. From this point on, you can believe whatever you want about me. I won't be in a relationship that continues to degenerate into a debating society about what a skunk I am. I'm too old and too tired for it.
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Friday, August 29, 2003
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NOTE TO HOT CHICKS WITH COMPUTERS EVERYWHERE
Remember the fat kid with the funny looking hair that you wouldn't have ever considered giving a handjob?
Well, he just destroyed half of the free world's computers. I hope you feel better.
I hope you're all thinking of how "creepy" it would've been now that you can't get at your e-mail, pay your bills or.....read this.
Nevermind.
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FURTHER PROOF THAT GOD ISN'T CATHOLIC
"Father" John Geoghan was buried yesterday. May he burn in hell, should such a thing exist.
I find it offensive that this man was afforded a decent burial of any demonination. He should've been doused in gasoline and burned in a prison dumpster. The fact that he was given a Catholic mass, is to me, unforgiveable.These people have no shame whatsoever. I know that Jesus taught you should embrace the worst of sinners and that this is the path of salvation, therefore the Church allowing the ceremony is in accordance with God's Law. Besides, he only molested 150 innocent children. It's not like he got divorced or anything serious.
The greatest obscenity, however, was an editorial yesterday in the Pilot, the official newspaper of the Boston Archdiocese (which doesn't update its website often or I would've linked it) that referred to Geoghan as "a victim of a hate crime." Furthermore, the editorial continued "We encourage our readers to pray for his soul, for the his alleged killer, for his victims, and for the faithful priests who suffer, daily, the consequences of the actions of a few." Notice how the victims came in third, right behind a convicted pedophile and a murderous neo-nazi? This might confuse some of you, but I've got fifty-five million reasons why the victims placed third. That's what they're currently suing the Archdiocese of Boston for.
But Jesus would understand. He knows how business works.
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RUBBING AND TUGGING THE LAW
Rolling around the blogsphere, you'll find a general consensus that the war against drugs has failed and should be abdanonded. The same is true, to a lesser extent about gambling. But if you want to get really controversial, bring up prostitution. That will set off all kinds of otherwise well-intentioned and thoughtful people. This is because most people are blind, PC sheep.
I've actually thought about this for a while but couldn't find an excuse to write about it until I came across this article. It appears that the Greater Atlanta Area has a small problem with "massage parlours". I'll fix that problem in a minute. I'm good at stuff like that. First, I'll present my argument.
Most hackeysacking potheads and online poker junkies will tell you that their activities ultimately affect no one other than themselves. And this is true. Every word of it, and this is the ultimate backdrop of libertarian thinking. Social libertarians view all human activities through a very simple prism: "Who gives a fuck?" If your hobbies affect no one other than yourself, who gives a fuck? This is a perfectly logical line of thought.
Or it would be. It isn't because most "social libertarians" have a secret Mommy complex, be it liberal or conservative that prevent them from fully following their own doctrine. Once you actually explore some of these retards arguments, they hedge. You'll hear things like "Well, I'm not advocating the legalisation of cocaine or heroin." Oh really? Why the fuck not? How is it that putting one substance in your body is more socially acceptable to you than another? Because that second substance is "bad for you?" My shooting up affects you in precisely the same way that you're smoking pot effects me. It doesn't. But junkies are unsightly and will affect your property values if they end up in your neighbourhood.
The same is true of "libertarian" gambling advocates. The same people who will stand on their "right" to play online poker or piss away a zillion dollars at a casino on an Indian reservation are usually the first people to oppose slots in bars or wide open casino gambling. Why? Because cheap gambling attracts rednecks and welfare queens. And rednecks and welfare queens are unsightly and will affect your property values if they end up in your neighbourhood.
So most "libertarians" are intellectually dishonest. Their interest in "freedom" begins and ends with THEIR preferred hobbies. If YOUR hobbies are deigned to be "icky" to them, they'll outlaw them faster than Fallwell.
And this brings us to prostitution. To me, this seems like the ultimate "who gives a fuck" issue.Some guys will buy a woman a house to put his dick inside her. Others will buy them a $ 4,000,000.00 ring to continue putting their dicks inside them after they are indicted for raping a hotel worker in Eagle County, Colorado. Still others like to economize and will give a massusse a "tip" for a "happy ending". Who gives a fuck?
But then these "libertarian" ideas enter the realm of the most vicious form of politics imaginable, sexual politics.
Sexual politics are as insidious as they are inbred. There is no such thing as "wiggle room" there. It's the ultimate bloodsport. And the indoctrination is unbelievable. All logic goes right out the window. I've had this debate with otherwise thoughtful people and they get completely irrational.The most liberal people I've ever met go to the right of Ashcroft on this issue (and remember, Ashcroft doesn't even believe in dancing). They can bring up the issue that many women are forced into prostitution and when you respond that white slavery, forcible confinement and assault are all already illeagal, they respond with "well, it's just wrong. It's a moral issue." This overlooks that libertarianism is inherently amoral in the area of people's personal activities.
Why?
I'm not entirely sure, but I think it has a lot to do with a herd mentality. Maybe these feminist fascists and the pussified men who love them feel that so long as ANY woman is allowed to market her sexuality ALL women will be expected to.Of course, this is nonsense and I think if these people were halfway honest with themselves they would admit it. If you look around, you'll find it not at all unusual to find people who will passionately defend abortion and euthinasia, which many well meaning people view as murder, go ballistic at the very idea of legalised prostitution.
To such people, sexual politics goes much deeper than personal politics. Thus, "freedom's just another word."
From a law enforcement perspective, the argument against freedom is much easier to understand. Cops have "bust quotas". They have to arrest so many people every month. And raiding a massage parlour or a strip joint is much easier than doing something crazy, like solving a murder or stopping armed robberies. Somebody can get hurt doing those things. It's not hard to understand, we've all had jobs where we routinely cut corners. Why should cops be any different? Remember that the next time you read an article about homicide clearence rates in your hometown. Then think of the resources put into stopping something that is nobody's business.
So far as Atlanta's problem goes, I promised a solution and here it is. Legalise brothels and use the zoning laws to isolate the areas in which they operate. Pretty simple, huh? It would eliminate street prostitution tomorrow and the tax revenue to educate children into being healthy human beings who don't need whores in the first place. Everybody wins! Of course, it will never happen.
I'm not even sure why I give a shit, anyway. Without a job I can't afford pot, heroin, a hand of poker or a handjob.Labels: I Fought The Law
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IT CAN ALWAYS GET WORSE, I SUPPOSE
As some of you know, I've had a really, really bad month. First there's my sister's stalker story (which I'll write more about later). Then I lose my job. Then I had not one, but two important relationships fucking implode on me (which I won't be writing about). I'm going three or four days without eating anything and my smoking and drinking continue to escalate. Oh yeah, I also think that my former employer is going to fuck me out of my last check. That's a thousand dollars I planned on using to pay off my credit card so they leave me alone until I get a new job.
In short, I think I'm doomed.
Last week, I was thinking "how can things possibly get worse?" I just found out.
I could lose my cock.
The sad part is, I'm not even sure that that would be entirely negative.
Pleased to meet you, I'm Captain Happy!
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Okay, now I'll take off my political hat and go back to being the horny jerk-off you all seem to love so much. Can you imagine something hotter than this? I can but they would never have been allowed to do THAT on MTV.
And, yes I will take any opportunity to post pictures of hot chicks kissing. No need to thank me, its my pleasure.
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CLINTON 44?
Political junkies everywhere were intrigued by this report yesterday. Senator Hillary Clinton is reportedly nearing a final decision as to whether to launch a presidential campaign in 2004. I know what you're thinking, "hasn't Hillary already made that decision? Didn't she say that she 'had no plans to run for president' when she was out touting that horrible book of hers last month?" And you would be right to think that. But you would come to the wrong conclusion. Her statement was not a categorical declaration that she would not run, merely that she had no plans to. I "had no plans" to lose my job and, guess what? I did. Besides, its not like someone named Clinton hasn't lied before.
If Senator Clinton decides to enter the race, which she would have to do very soon to meet filing deadlines, she would do so on the pretext that there is no clear front-runner to challenge President Bush. Actually, there is a front-runner. His name is Howard Dean. Howard Dean scares the unholy hell out of the Democratic Party establishment. Democrats have all heard about the glee with which Karl Rove (Bush's chief political strategist) looks forward to a run against Dean. Former Governor Dean of Vermont is raising a shitload of money despite making Al Gore look like James Brown and only being slightly better known than I am. Dean is currently ahead of the presumed front-runner, Senator John Kerry, by 25 points in New Hampshire.
The logic goes like this; if Dean gets the nomination, Bush will crush him like a beer can next November. Therefore, Dean must be stopped. Now. Who can do that? None of the current contenders have shown any traction against Dean. That leaves Hillary who can step forward and declare that in, the interest of saving the party from itself, must step away from her earlier pledge.
But can Hillary win? This is where things get tricky. The nomination is hers the second she enters the race. But can she win in a general election?
Hillary's 2000 senate race is instructive in answering this question. Hillary Clinton grew up in Illinois and spent her adult life in Arkansas. Which senate seat did she run for? New York's. Why? Because she could win there. She almost certainly would have lost in Arkansas or Illinois. New York is one of maybe five states where Hillary is viewed as being electable, the others being California, Massachusettes, Minnesotta and Vermot. Those five states give the junior senator from New York about 130 electoral votes (maybe 140, I'm too lazy to do the math right now). Impressive, yes but she needs 270 to win.
Everytime someone has told me that Hillary will be president, I've answered with the same question; name five states she can win. I'm the only person I know of who's been able to. The president is unchallengeable in the 11 former states of the confederacy. With the re-election of his brother as Governor, Florida can be more reliably put in his column than it was in 2000. Ohio is traditionally Republican. Arizona has voted for a Democrat exactly once since 1948 (President Clinton in 1996). Christ, Bush won West Virginia last time out.
For Clinton to come anywhere close to winning a general election she would have to win ALL of the following states: Pennsylvania, Michigan, New Jersey,Conneticutt, Maryland, Missouri, New Mexico, Oregon and Washington.These are states where she can concievably win, given voting patterns over the last 60 years. But she has to win them all. Can she? I don't think so. But I've been wrong about these things before.
Will Hillary Clinton run next year? She'd be insane to if Bush doesn't drop below 40% approval in each of those individual battleground states. Ignore national numbers, those are meaningless this early and Clinton has to make a decision in the next six weeks. I can't see that happening.
I don't think you'll see a "Clinton 43" anytime soon. But I'd love to see the race. It'd be a lot more fun to watch than the ass-kicking that will be a Bush/Dean race. Look for Hillary in '08, when she runs against either Rudolph Gulliani or Condelezza Rice. That will be a fun race, too.
But who knows? I've been wrong about these things before.
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Thursday, August 28, 2003
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AN UPDATE
Apparently, Johnny Cash attending the MTV awards is no longer an open question..
Fuck. I was going to watch that, too.
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 NOTES ON JOHNNY CASH
As I was going on my daily stroll through the world's newspapers this evening, I found this in the New Orleans Times-Picayune. To think that 71-year old Johnny Cash is being celebrated tonight at the MTV Awards in New York with Justin Timberlake and Missy Elliott is both heart warming and tragic. Heart warming because is it gives Cash a level of mainstream acceptence that he never enjoyed. Johnny Cash is a legend in country music circles and with students of attitude, like me. To be taken to the bossom of the MTV demographic at this late stage in his career is a nice thing to see.
The tragedy is that Johnny Cash is so much better than anyone else on that stage. And has been for far longer than anyone else there has even been alive. It would have been far better to honour the Man in Black 10 years ago when the first "American Recordings" albumn came out.Cash is recently widowed and his health is ravaged by a central nervous system disorder. As of this writing, one hour before show time, it remains an open question if he will even be able to appear. As nice as this victory is, it would've been far nicer to see a healthy and happy Johnny Cash enjoy it.
For nearly 50 years, Johnny Cash has been amoung the most dangerous voices in popular music. You think these rap guys are scary? Johnny once "shot a man in Reno/Just to watch him die." The body count on your average Johnny Cash record would send 50 Cent right into the Witness Protection Program. And don't start me on those metal idiots, like Metallica or Limp Bizcut. Even today, at 71, Cash would just have to look at those retards the wrong way and their "street cred" would be running down their pant legs.
Johnny Cash shares a place in the pantheon of the greats with people like Keith Richards, Hank Williams, the Sex Pistols, the original Guns N' Roses lineup and Nirvana.This is a group of people who are "mad, bad and dangerous to know." If you don't like Johnny Cash, you're wrong.
They don't make them like Johnny Cash anymore. And that's really too bad.
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THE OTHER SHOE DROPS
Okay, at this point I assume that you teenagers have read my Chaos in Motion piece called "Terminating Government." Yeah, I know it wasn't very well written but I was in a hurry.
Those of you who managed to get through it will have found some really funny quotes from Arnold Schwarzenegger. Well, guess what? There's MORE. So much more. This 1977 interview is the Rosetta Stone of political embarrassment.
Listen as Arnold regales you with tales of gang-banging a black chick.Be educated by the candidate's qualifications for a successful gang-bang.
Marvel as Arnold explains that the human penis doesn't develop like other muscles.
Learn from Arnold how blowjobs offer a competetive edge in bodybuilding.
Journey inside Arnold's decision making process into whether or not to "fuck the shit" out a woman.
Become schooled in whether fat girls are "good fucks."
And finally, learn Arnold's views on "the fag business."
It's stories like this make me glad to be alive.
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Wednesday, August 27, 2003
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A MORAL QUANDRY
This is a tough one. A 6'4", 300 pound , 38 year old brutally rapes his 8 year old step-daughter. In the course of the attack, he inflicts what an expert witness describes are "the worst injuries I have seen." These injuries require surgery. After the attack the rapist calls two friends asking how to remove the blood from his carpet. He tells one friend that his step-daughter "became a lady today." Remember, the victim is eight years old.
The rapist pressures the girl to say that a teenager attacked her while she sorted Girl Scout cookies in her garage. 21 months later the girl tells her mother the truth. There is a trial and a Jefferson Parish, Louisiana jury renders a verdict. Guilty. During the sentencing phase of the trial, the rapist's God-daughter testifies that exactly the same thing had been done to her by the defendant some 20 years ago, when she was "8 or 9."
What do you do with such a piece of human garbage?
12 good people in Jefferson Parish decided that the only appropriate sentence was death. Morally, I couldn't agree more. This man is swine and lethal injection, Lousiana's prescribed method of execution is too humane for a cur like this.This is a case that begs for the return of crucifixtion.
I should state for the record that I love the Death Penalty. I think it should be extended to double-parking. I can't support it in Canada only because Canadian law doesn't have adequate protections against double jeporady and law enforcement is completely unaccountable here. But so far as this case goes, I could kill this "defendant" myself and not lose a wink of sleep over it. I would be morally hard-pressed to come up with a reason not to have this "man" drawn and quartered and having his entrails set on fire.
This is probably why I don't get to decide such things.I get a little emotional sometimes.
And as much as I ache for this bastard's death, it will probably never happen. Well, not by the needle anyway. You see, in Coker V. Georgia, The United States Supreme Court specifically banned the Death Penalty in rape cases where the victim is not killed. The wording of the decision left a loophole, though. Both the concurring and dissenting opinions referenced the rape of an "adult woman." The victim in this case is decidedly not adult. And if I could figure this out, you can bet that the Lousiana State Legislature did too. Except they beat me to it. They passed a statute allowing for a death sentence in rape cases where the victim is under 12 in 1995. The Lousiana State Supreme Court affirmed the constitutionality of the statute.
But this is much more problematic than meets the eye. Most murderers in Lousiana do not face the Death Penalty. In fact, a good number are actually paroled before completing their full sentence. Is the rape of an 8 year old worse than say, the murder of an 8 year old? I would argue that in some ways, yes it is. But reasonable people can disagree on such a point.
Accordingly, this issue will end up in Washington and given the current make up of the Court, the sentence will be reversed. It might not come to that though. It doesn't have to be that way either.
Remember "Father" John Geoghan? Let's hope this scumbag meets the same fate. Hopefully, the Lousiana prison authourities are looking for a neo-nazi for this skunk to bunk with as we speak.
I feel "friendly" tonight.
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AND BEFORE I FORGET
The lovely and talented Zombie has updated Chaos in Motion. If you go there you can read my special report on the California Recall Campaign.
If you poke around there you'll find good writing, too. I'm a jerk-off, Zombie only keeps me around for the "himbo effect".
Oh, I still write there as skippystalin. I can't come up with another name that funny, besides my identity crisis shouldn't be a pain in her ass. I understand that HTML coding is tedious and difficult.
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YOU LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY
Hey, apparently Crystal Meth+Butt Sex= Bad Idea.
Who knew?
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AT HOME WITH IGGY
I've always loved Iggy Pop. He remains one of the ten coolest people alive and the coolest thing to come out of Michigan (Motown is second). The former James Osterberg and his band, the Stooges rose out of Ann Arbor some thirty-five years ago. On Monday they returned. I would've liked to have seen it.
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ANOTHER REASON SOCIETY IS DOOMED
I'm not even sure how to go about commenting on this.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me" seemed like a good place to start but I found that it had already be used. But Gays for Guns....Wow! I actually support responsible gun ownership and gay rights as reasonably sensible things or being people's personal business which I shouldn't have a vote about. But...Wow!
I think it's now official; everyone now has a lobbying group. Well not everyone. I'm still organising "MILFS For Bald, Unemployed Losers." But once that's up and running everyone can just stop, ok? There will be nothing left to lobby for.
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SMILE....OR NOT
You've got to love the Canadian Government. That's right, no levity is to be permitted in Canadian passports. Everyone must have a solemn expression, like Mohammed Atta.
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Tuesday, August 26, 2003
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REASONS TO BE A HOT CHICK
Well there are several actually. But other than having stupid guys buy you a house, you get horny foriengers PM you with sexual propositions This makes for a funny blog.
Maybe if I get great tits and a beautiful smile, I'll be funny someday, too.
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I GET MAIL
When I posted that I was shutting down my last blog, I gave my e-mail address out and asked that anyone interested in a new blog e-mail me and I'd give them the new address. I got one response.
I feel popular.
Kilgore Trout proved a loyal fan in the only response I got to my offer. But like most people who lavish praise, he wanted someting. Specifically answers. His question is as follows;
"Hi Skippy,
By the way... do you really masturbate 7 times a day? That's amazing -- your dick must be made of titanium. These days, if I knock one out in the morning, I have to wait until bedtime before I can go again."
Well, Kilgore, firstly I'm no longer skippy.And yes, my masturbatory skills are as sad as they are celebrated. When I started blogging I promised that I would never lie to my readers. There are things that I may not tell you but everything I do is the truth.
As to the metallurgic make-up of my cock, I couldn't tell you.Maybe I'll take it to a fucking blacksmith and find out. I need something to do anyway. All I can tell you is that it gets impressively hard. I've had compliments on that, actually. I suppose that's the trade off for being miniscule. Most people really don't believe that I'm hung like a three year old, but it's true. I have a naked picture of myself to prove it, too. If I can figure out this friggin' computer well enough to post pictures on this blog, I'll post it.
In reference to the second part of your question, masturbation is a passion of mine. I'm not a hobbyist here.
In closing, I'd like to thank Kilgore for his loyal support.
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THE WIND
What will probably be Warren Zevon's final album comes out today. I plan to buy it and you should , too.
For those of you unfamiliar with great song writing or my previous blog; Warren Zevon is dying. He went on the Letterman show and when asked what lesson he he learned from the cancer that will kill him he replied, "Enjoy every sandwich."
I stole the title of this blog from there. That doesn't make it bad advice.
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Monday, August 25, 2003
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BETTER LIVING THROUGH SCIENCE
Yes, you too can build your very own cruise missle. Everytime you tell people that something can't be done, they they turn around and do it...like bulid a cruise missile on they're own dime.
Just because y'know...you can.
This story has long ranging National Security implications. It must be remembered that Bruce Simpson is from New Zealand. And that Kiwis are borderline Australians.
Beware.
And in case you think that I'm making this up, look here .
NOW do you feel better?
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FINALLY, SOCIETY COMES AROUND!
I've made little secret of my love for pornography over the years. Now, at long last everyone else is coming clean. For to long pornography has been America's dirty little secret, now it's something you trade with co-workers and even neighbours.
Despite hideous little men like me, who need porn like the air you breathe, pornography's coming out is a good thing for two reasons.
Firstly, the freedom. No one will argue your right to argue for say, nationalized day care when they have a freshly opened copy of "Butt Plug Babes #37" in their sticky little hands. It evens out the playing field. "You've got your nasty little ideas and I have mine. No harm, no foul.Let's debate." This cannot help but to be positive. It might sound like a trite thing to suggest but I honestly believe that jerk-off freedom is the first step to real freedom. In fact, jerk-off freedom may actually be real freedom.
Secondly, porno may have a levelling effect on the horrors of reality TV. Is a fat, naked homo on an island in the South Pacific really "reality"? And if it is, is this the reality we want? Of course not! We want to be the slender, sillicone-enhanced seductresses. We want to be the corpulent, mustachioed,big dicked guy who can do no wrong excent in the eyes of "proper society".
I think we can all agree on this, Christian, Jew, Mulim, Buddhist and Hindu. Who would you rather be, Richard Hatch or Ron Jeremey?
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What do you mean Britney cant really sing? Now you all know why, after five years, I killed skippystalin.
The innocence was gone.
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ON THE CRIME BEAT
Okay, I couldn't help but comment on this story. Thieves steal a 200 pound statue of Christ from a midtown Manhattan church but leave behind the Cross on which it rested.
Maybe the theives were lazy and the cross was just too much work.
It could be they were heavily into irony. You see, several people drag crosses over their shoulders in New York. How many walk Manhattan's street lugging Him around?
Perhaps they were just sentimental and wanted to remember Him "the way He was."
I did find it interesting to find that the statue was "bolted to the cross in four places." The actual Jesus was only attached in three places as I remember it.
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MEMO TO THE STUPID
Just a suggestion. If you're the prime suspect in a murder, try not to run for Governor of California, okay? I know it's hard to resist and all of the other "cool kids" are doing it. But if you try really, really hard I'm sure you'll find the stength to resist.
Betcha somewhere out there O.J is kicking himself for moving to Florida.
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WE ARE SO SMART/ S-M-R-T
The Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS), Canada's version of a combination FBI, CIA and fucking Keystone Cops did some figurin' of late. They figured that 19 immigrants from muslim countries who all happen to know one another and taking flying lessons is slightly suspicious.
19 associated, immigrant muslims taking flying lessons. Where would they get the idea that anything could be up with that?
But it's only really suspicious when the flights keep bringing them over a nuclear generating plant.
It took CSIS a year to figure out that something MIGHT be off here.
And you Americans think 19 muslim fanatics flying into two really tall buildings and one multisided one was impressive? Wait until you see them fly into the Pickering Nuclear Generating Station, you PUSSIES!
Oh wait a second. That plant is about 15 miles from my house. Right.
But don't feel bad, it's less than 100 miles from the U.S border so you get to feel included too.
Feel better?
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Sunday, August 24, 2003
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AND YE SHALL BE HEALED
In yet another instance of "Better Living Through Jesus", an 8 year old boy was killed during something that looked suspiciously like an exorcism to cure his autism. I should note that this "church" was a strore front and the congregation consisted of 6, count 'em, 6 families.
We should all be thankful the kid didn't have tourettes, they might have burned him at the fucking steak.
Just as a further educational note, I found this story in the Washington Times, which is owned by the Moonies. Think of how far out of the goddamned mainstream you must be if the MOONIES find your religion newsworthy.
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HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN
You ever have a day where you feel like you just cant win? I'll bet they're not like this woman's. Jesus, she loses her foot and the hospital can't even replace it with another one the same colour as the rest of her!
Note to my American readers:This is where socialized medicine leads.
But oddly, this story makes me feel better about my life.
In other good news, John Geoghan was murdered in prison yesterday by a white supremecist. I'm glad about this for two important reasons:
Firstly, Geoghan is assumed to have sexally assaulted upwards of 130 children over 30 years. He was convicted of one assault. His getting iced in the joint demonstrates that yes, Virginia, there is something called justice.
Secondly, this case answers a question I've had since childhood. Are there instances when it's appropriate to cheer for a neo-nazi? It took vermin like Geoghan to demonstrate to me that yes, there are. With his death, Geoghan took the last of MY innocence.
I thought the statement by the Boston Archdiocese praying "the repose of John's soul" was cute, too. You'll notice the pointed lack of mention of Geoghan's victims. This is because the Archdiocese is currently nogotiating a 55 million dollar civil settlement with them.
And in other news, Al Gore continues his long slide into irrelevance.
All in all, I think it's been a good day.
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DEATH IS A MAGICAL ADVENTURE
As some of you know, I have no job and not much more of a life. So I spend a lot of time amusing myself reading newspapers. Lots and lots of newspapers. Oh, and I masturbate too. Lots.
I know it doesn't seem like much of a life but every so often I come across something like this and it makes it seem worthwhile.
Who said that all the adventure disappears when you die? Would you ever willingly go to Columbus, Ohio in life? And knowing that you can still set your family against one another from beyond the grave should be a reason to smile. While you still can.
I'm such an optimist.
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Hi,
Some of you might remember me. I'm skippystalin, or I used to be anyway. I had a blog called "I Hate Myself And You LOVE Me For It." Several of you did. The people I used to work for were decidedly of another opinion.
Once I lost my job, I had to work off of the assumption that my former employer's IT Department was still monitoring the old blog, so I had to be very careful of what I said although I still said a bunch of things I shouldn't have anyway.
At some point I have to get another job and I don't want to complicate that any more than I probably already have. This would be bad.
So, anyway I decided it was a good idea to obliterate the old blog and it's archives and not let anyone I used to work with know about the new one. A boy's gotta eat. Actually a lot less than you'd think but still....
To any of the fans of the old blog who follow me here, don't worry, the content won't change. I'm still the same angry asshole I used to be. Maybe more so. I've had a bad month after all. And seeing as though I still don't have a job, I'll have a lot of time to write and post for the forseeable future.
Hope I don't disappoint.
MJS
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